Procrastination: Friend or Foe?

Well I have started that dreaded dissertation and although I only have an outline at the moment, it feels all that more possible and achievable. I am making connections all over the 'academic' community finding folks who are doing PhD's and other amazing research on such topics regarding Sierra Leone. For those of you who don't know the topic of my dissertation its: Reintegration of Child Combatants: Sierra Leone. Yeah a real 'light' subject. But interesting so that is good. After a brief meeting with my advisor tomorrow I will hit the ground running on the actual writing of such an essay.

This then brings me to my next topic of discussion: Governmental Leadership. As I have been reading and researching I have been doing a lot of reading on the topic of political reasons children are used to fight such bloody wars. And it all comes down to Political Leadership. Yes Sierra Leone is a 3rd world country, but so is Iraq. And Iraq is still using children to fight. Yeah we are training their military, but have any of us asked the question: What age are these soldiers? We forget as "progressive 1st world" civilians that our standards are not universal (Hence the War) but there has been a universal convention outlining universal rights of children, and that states that a child in any nation is younger than 18. That means that yes even in the good ol' US of A that we too use children to fight our battles.

It just makes me sad that a parent can give permission for their 17 year old child to fight for their country...sheesh when I was 17 I made some pretty silly mistakes. I am glad that I didn't take such a severe risk such as risking my life. Yes that is me and I am not saying my views are correct, but what government in their right mind would let a 17 year old defend their country when in some areas they aren't even allowed to drive a car. And it is worse in 3rd world nations, children as young as 10 are fighting. It breaks my heart, and I hope that eventually we can realize that it is our responsibility as citizens of a nation to make sure or attempt to make sure that our views are heard, not just those views of those we have elected to represent us on Capitol Hill.

Quiet Saturday

Well here it is Saturday night and due to finances, and lack of housemates (they are all away for the weekend) I am home on a Saturday night. Actually I am excited to be here by myself. Being home alone means I can watch TV, read and play on the computer all I want without feeling like I am taking over someone elses house.

So this is my life. Not too exciting, but I like it. I went out on Wednesday and Thursday nights to the college bar, and had a great time. But everytime I am out it feels like something is missing. And I don't think that missing piece can be found here in Ireland.

Adjusting

Who ever thought it would be possible to suffer culture shock so much in just a short period. I suffered it when I returned to the States and again upon my return here. I still haven't adjusted time wise but that will end when the elections are over and I don't have to stay up late at night to watch such things...ok well maybe post world series. But it should happen soon. I have a lot to accomplish in a short time.

On another note my friend Tyler (www.tylerknott.com) wrote an interesting blog re: goodbyes. I have to say ditto to that Ty! My case isn't the same as yours but I understand completely. Saying goodbye face to face is horrible, awful, and unenjoyable. But I think that goodbye makes saying Hello all that much more enjoyable. If a goodbye isn't hard then Hello isn't that enthused. I don't think its time playing the trick its our brain affixed on time. Trust me...I have had some sleepless nights where I think 63 days...24 hours in each day...sixty minutes in each hour...I AM NEVER GOING HOME!!! But then I think 10 weeks...that is nothing. Its all a matter of perspective. What is 10 weeks when it could be a lifetime? It is all relative I guess.

But relative or not 10 weeks is what I have to give here, and what I have until I am reunited with friends and family back in Seattle and Montana. I think I can do it...sheesh that means only 10 weeks to type 15,000 words. Now that doesn't seem long enough. Whew...time is relative!

15,000 words

Who in their right mind would write 15,000 words on one subject. ME! I am trying to do this dissertation and have managed to do NOTHING! I have been in Ireland now for a week and have managed to aquire a cold, a place to stay (My wonderful housemates are letting me stay with them for the next months. I feel quite lucky. It makes life so much easier. So life is going well here. I just have to get my butt in gear for this silly silly paper. It MUST get done!

Life

In the last month my life has been twisted upsidedown. I have changed all plans that at one time I thought were set, God has placed in my life some very special people who make being away hard. And just recently I discovered I do not desire or am I able to call Ireland home any longer. It may someday be home, but for now it is not. I love my friends here. They have been wonderful, and I will always be there for them. However, at this time I need to be there for my friends in America.

For all of you who are unaware I will return home in December and will be back in Helena until I can get my feet off the ground (or the debt off my credit card)and then the adventure of Clementine will begin again. I don't know where it will take me or what it will provide but I do know that I am ready.

I walk down the streets of Derry and it isn't home any longer. I haven't been to Galway yet, but I think it would be the same there. I have many friends here, and some of them are getting married as well. And I plan on supporting them in their lives, but for now I must support myself and do what feels right and that is returning to Montana for a brief bit (Yes I know I never thought I would hear those words uttered from my mouth) and continue on to achieve my life goals. I have created many new ones in recent months and just await the opportunity to conquer them. Nothing is impossible. It just takes time. And right now I seem to have plenty of it!

The Big 2-5

Yes Folks this is it...Clementine is now officially 25 years of age. A quarter century old, halfway to 50. And to be honest it feels GREAT! I have been able to celebrate with very good friends and I even go Kerry/Bush cupcakes made on my birthday for the Debate! They were very cool! Now I am wrapping up my trip here to the States and Seattle, and am trying to pump myself up for Ireland.

I love Ireland, and have amazing friends there, but I have finally grown into my skin here in the States. I am OK living here now. I don't feel as though I NEED to be in Ireland forever, instead I am comfortable being close to family and friends. And the plane journey to Ireland isn't too bad. So slowly I am embracing my Americaness. Not yet at the stage where I would wave an American flag and shout my nationality but a state where I am comfortable with my nation (perhaps not its leaders) and myself.

But for now I have 10 weeks until I come back state side, and although that isn't very long time at all it seems like a life time right now. I am sure my mind set will change once my plane lands Wednesday morning and I am able to see good friends and stop living out of a suit case. Then Ireland may be "home" again.

I guess only time will tell. I am excited to see where this new adventure will take me, I am ready to conquer the next big 2-5...look out 50 here I come!!!