Inadequacy

Is there ever a point in someone's life where inadequacy seems like it is the norm and the expected. I have never thought that and wouldn't except that is just how I feel at the moment. I feel as though I could give my 110% and it still isn't enough. Some how I am still falling short.

Part of what brings this on is my inability to pass my state insurance licensing exam. I have failed 3 times....yes count them...3...1,2,3. I have never failed anything more than once. And I am usually one to learn from mistakes but somehow I just can't pass. I study, and to no avail.

I have been asked by some if it is because I am too busy, which could be the case. But I can't manage to live with out my second job. Ok that is a lie...I could manage but I couldn't pay off my debt or begin to pay off my student loans with out this second job. Which then brings me to my thought...should I be doing what I am doing? I love the company I work for, and I couldn't imagine anything more enjoyable at the moment that pays this well. BUT...and this is a huge BUT...should I be putting this much effort and time into something I am just not sure I can complete successfully?! I just don't know. I am at a loss. I don't know how to send those thoughts of inadequacy to their time out in the corner.

I am fine when I don't think about studying or the test but then I let my mind wander and I feel horrible, I feel like a failure, I feel like just not showing up to work anymore because I have too much dignity to get to the point where the 'let me go'.

So for now I will rehash all that is going on through out my mind. Try to sort it out, and hope and pray for the best.