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27.9.05
Inadequacy
Is there ever a point in someone's life where inadequacy seems like it is the norm and the expected. I have never thought that and wouldn't except that is just how I feel at the moment. I feel as though I could give my 110% and it still isn't enough. Some how I am still falling short.
Part of what brings this on is my inability to pass my state insurance licensing exam. I have failed 3 times....yes count them...3...1,2,3. I have never failed anything more than once. And I am usually one to learn from mistakes but somehow I just can't pass. I study, and to no avail.
I have been asked by some if it is because I am too busy, which could be the case. But I can't manage to live with out my second job. Ok that is a lie...I could manage but I couldn't pay off my debt or begin to pay off my student loans with out this second job. Which then brings me to my thought...should I be doing what I am doing? I love the company I work for, and I couldn't imagine anything more enjoyable at the moment that pays this well. BUT...and this is a huge BUT...should I be putting this much effort and time into something I am just not sure I can complete successfully?! I just don't know. I am at a loss. I don't know how to send those thoughts of inadequacy to their time out in the corner.
I am fine when I don't think about studying or the test but then I let my mind wander and I feel horrible, I feel like a failure, I feel like just not showing up to work anymore because I have too much dignity to get to the point where the 'let me go'.
So for now I will rehash all that is going on through out my mind. Try to sort it out, and hope and pray for the best.
Part of what brings this on is my inability to pass my state insurance licensing exam. I have failed 3 times....yes count them...3...1,2,3. I have never failed anything more than once. And I am usually one to learn from mistakes but somehow I just can't pass. I study, and to no avail.
I have been asked by some if it is because I am too busy, which could be the case. But I can't manage to live with out my second job. Ok that is a lie...I could manage but I couldn't pay off my debt or begin to pay off my student loans with out this second job. Which then brings me to my thought...should I be doing what I am doing? I love the company I work for, and I couldn't imagine anything more enjoyable at the moment that pays this well. BUT...and this is a huge BUT...should I be putting this much effort and time into something I am just not sure I can complete successfully?! I just don't know. I am at a loss. I don't know how to send those thoughts of inadequacy to their time out in the corner.
I am fine when I don't think about studying or the test but then I let my mind wander and I feel horrible, I feel like a failure, I feel like just not showing up to work anymore because I have too much dignity to get to the point where the 'let me go'.
So for now I will rehash all that is going on through out my mind. Try to sort it out, and hope and pray for the best.
14.9.05
Education
I was reading this article today. If only we were all that excited about learning and school...
http://www.cnn.com/2005/WORLD/africa/09/14/pupil.un.ap/index.html
http://www.cnn.com/2005/WORLD/africa/09/14/pupil.un.ap/index.html
6.9.05
I will be MIA
Yes I have been MIA, and will continue to be in the future. I am working 2 jobs, and trying to have a life outside of that as well. Life is busy and full. So the time to blog is little and just takes precious time needed for other things (like studying for my life and health license.)
I have a lot of material to post on...so when I have a free minute you can be sure that I will update my blog. But until then...I will be MIA. SORRY!!!
I have a lot of material to post on...so when I have a free minute you can be sure that I will update my blog. But until then...I will be MIA. SORRY!!!
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