Friendship

Why are goodbyes so stinkin' hard?!?! It's like losing a part of yourself into an abyss of nothing, uncertainty, and sadness. Starting from scratch but not willing or wanting to fill the void of one friendship with another. What can you do to control the sadness that occurs when you walk by that friends house? How do you react when you go to ring them and you realize they won't answer? Is it possible to cope when you have something funny happen to you and they aren't there to share the moment with you? What can you do to move on when you are used to spending every waking (and some sleeping) moment with one another? Once you find a friend that compliments you so well how do you move on?

Making and maintaining friends is a process that should be a familiar one to me. Since I have lived in 5 cities, 2 countries, and traveled most of the EU all since I was 18. But, each time I say goodbye to these friends it seems all that much more difficult. Yes, I can get through almost any situation, be it a travel mishap or a housemate issue, but this friendship thing is a killer.

In an ideal world I would be able to have all my friends, that I have acquired over time, live in one place where we could always see each other and utilize our friendships as need be. There would be no more goodbyes, no more tears, and no more contemplating when and how you will see one another again. Moving away is like dying...somehow a part of you is missing, maybe not permanently but the sense of loss is always there.

Respect

Is it inherent that all 18 year old boys have no respect for others, not even themselves?! I feel like Wendy in Peter Pan, being a mother to the 'lost boys'. Here I am in Ireland and somehow have found myself living with 3 18 year-old boys. And then there is me the 24 year old den mother. Dear lord in heaven. I only express my exasperation because this past Friday these wonderful boys decided to have a party. I did not know about it, and when I came home the following day at 1:30 I found that all our fire alarms had been broken (ya know those little red ones just like the ones in hotels) and a sweatshirt I had all packaged up to post to Seattle had been stolen. I found the packaging and letter outside. When I expressed my absolute disgust in the situation the boys replied with a shrug and continued to state that they had no control of the party and they didn't know there was a sweatshirt in the package. No apology, no offer to buy a new sweatshirt, more or less a cop out of the choices they have made. Then yesterday one of the boys had the audacity to ask me for money for an air freshener he bought for the sitting room they get high in every night of the week. Blech! I wish there was a remedy to this situation, but I will just have to hold on for 4 months till school is over. Then I can live in an environment that is conducive to my living habits.

Life in Dublin

I am in Dublin now and was approached by an old woman who had a nose the size of Alabama an hair the color of New Mexico mud. Her name is Maria she likes the drink and the poor woman's brother died today....but as she was telling my friends and I this she continued to tell us other random facts of her family and life (in 6 weeks she has lost 4 brothers and a husband) and in her 70 years I am sure has seen a lot. Yes to most this should be tragic however for my friend (we'll call her Sarah) she found utter humor in this. And as Maria continued to tell our wee group of college age girls the sorrows of her life Sarah's eyes well up with tears....are these tears of sorrow....oh wait no....tears of huge laughter. I know as you read this you find no humor....however if you have ever met an old random irish person in a pub you understand the humor. Thank God I made it out alive. Lets just hope I make it through the day tomorrow as I meet with the South Africa ambassador and other important peeps. And as we go out for a night on the town (May I win the lottery to pay for it) I pray I meet no more characters like Maria....I've had enough for one weekend.

The Calm Before The Storm

That's what it is folks. I am just after finishing exams (thank god!!) and now have a week off to ponder the workings of this world. Or maybe just go to Dublin and meet some Peace and Conflict folks, then ponder the workings of the world. Then that is it....second semester begins and my life officially ends. However, I must say that I would rather be totally slammed for time rather than chill in my house playing mother to my 18 year old male house mates. I guess I should take this time and savor it. Forget the stress of the world and just enjoy the beauty that is here in this country, allow the waves of life to take me where they may.

Sleep Deprived Thought

Living in a foreign country can force one to think an awful lot. Even when its against their will. However, I have come to realize that it is through this thought that I have grown, matured, lived. As I was in bed unable to sleep last night I began to think of this world we live in and all its complexities. Here I am in the North West part of Ireland (known to many as Northern Ireland) studying Peace and Conflict, yet I have discovered the essence of what I study is right before me (not in the form of a national problem, rather one that is intrapersonal) The peace and the conflict. Is it possible to help others deal and solve their conflict when you aren't able to solve your own? I'm not sure. Can you strive for world peace when there isn't even life peace in your life? Still unknown. But what I do know is that I want to make a difference in lives, and recently have discovered that maybe I need to start with my own...rather than looking from the outside in. It could be best summed up by an illustration of my Professor, Dr. Paul Arthur, you need to get off the dance floor and into the balcony. Only then can you truly make a difference to your life and others.