Moving On

So there it is folks the last international student has left the building. Wow! What an emotional rollercoster. However I must say that I have met some amazing folks here this semester and I feel blessed. As the summer progresses I can see my life blooming like the spring flowers outside. Yet this season has terminated and I must make room for the new seasons flowers to bloom. A hard step, but one that must occur inevitably. Its now time for me to pack my bags and move house. Its time to smile at the world around me, and pave the future. An exciting yet nerve wracking step.

Alone

Its odd how in just one week your entire perspective of life can change. In this week I have had to say good-bye to many of my friends here in Derry who originally lived in other EU countries. That has been hard, and harder yet is knowing that throughout the summer I am not going to be able to just randomly visit duncreggan (the student village) and see all my friends, as none of them will be there.

I am also questioning my life's ambitions. Do I really want to start Clementine's Cookies and live here for many years. Do I want to take that risk? Will I be able to make an income to pay off my student loans? And do I really want to stay here as I once thought I did? None of these have answers and I haven't worried about these questions until today when I had time to let my mind wander and time to just think. Its hard. Since returning from Montana I am really questioning my place in the world. What do I want to do with my life? And if I can answer that question, how am I going to get there?

Being 20-something suck I have decided. I lack direction and need guidance yet it seems everyone I know who has encountered such difficulties feels the same and has no recommendations on how to pass these years with out going through a quarter life crisis. I know these are some of the best years of my life, but the quarter life crisis has kicked in full gear! Booo!!!

Back in Action

Well I am back in Derry...whew that was a quick trip. I flew home to Montana on Thursday and then after 30+ hours of being awake yesterday finally got back to my house here.

Montana was brilliant, I had a great time, beautiful wedding, good friends, and no sleep. I wish I had more time there but none the less I had a good time. I am looking forward to September when I have more time to chill and relax. And hopefully by that time it won't be snowing.

Yes folks you heard me correctly. It was snowing back in Montana. Yes its May, and yes there was snow. Oh well. I hadn't seen snow for a while and really had miss seeing snow in the Mountains. I guess you just have to be careful at what you wish for...it may just come true 5 months later.

Now I am in Derry and have to look for jobs in the next few days. ICK! I need a job that is flexable and one that pays enough for me to pay my rent each month. :) Well these are the ramblings of Clementine....Enjoy!

Friends...

I wonder sometimes what goes through peoples heads when they make plans with you and then simotaniously make plans with someone else, and then forfeits their plans with you. Or why when you ask someone to ring you if they are going out or have a party they don't and ask why you weren't there. Is this common, or is it just a simple way of being self absorbed. Either way it drives me crazy. Oh well.

I am off to Montana on Thrusday and can't wait! Get to catch up with some old friends and get away from some of the silly shit going on here in Ireland. Although short and sweet it will be loads of fun!

Nearly 5 years ago

So I received a message recently from a friends mom. My friend Lora died nearly 5 years ago, and still there isn't a day I don't think of her. Its weird every time I sing, I think that she is there with the harmony (we sang together on worship team in high school) every time I play volleyball I know that she is there coaching me on the side. Every time I say something silly she is there laughing with me or at me more likely. And every time I am sad I know that she is there saying that everything will be ok. Yes after 5 years things have gotten better, but after 5 years her memory is just as vivid now as it was when we finished high school. I still wish I was able to talk to her before God took her home, but I will have to wait until my day comes to meet her in Heaven. Until then only pictures and memories will have to keep her alive in this world. She was an amazing girl, one I will always admire, and one I always was jealous of. She seemed perfect, and everyone who met her loved her. I know now, after 5 years, that the jealousy was foolish, but the admiration was sweet, and beautiful. I only can pray that after this time Lora still looks down, smiles, laughs and cries when I want her here. I pray that in these 5 years while we haven't forgotten her here she hasn't forgotten us there. Lora Beth, you are a star! And you have touched so much of the world....still your dream is being lived by all of us who knew you! Lora made all of us want to be better people, and for that I am grateful!

This is a little tribute her mom has created in Columbus OH, its a huge billboard on the side of the highway. For those of you not privvy...Lora was killed by a driver who fell asleep at the wheel, when driving from the movies with her friends.

Wahoo! for the American $$

Just found out the dollar is getting stronger....no more of that $1.90 to every £1. Now according to XE.com it is $1.75 to every £1.00. YAY!!! That means I can begin to pay off my tuition again. Whew, I was afraid that I wasn't going to graduate due to lack of money and paying my fees. Lets just pray it keeps going down (to the traditional $1.50) That would be nice, real nice!

Thoughts to aid procrastination

As my year of study is coming to a close I can't help but want to write ramblings about nothing. This is because I have been reading and writing about a subject all to heavy to do in one go (Child Combatants and Trauma all in the setting of war) Whew! Talk about an easy read...or not. But I must admit I am excited to get started on my dissertation and begin another chapter in my life. This time it will be a chapter of risks and chance. I have committed to myself that Clementine's Cookies is going to become a reality. I have started preparing my business plan, and have been doing my research. Although that is on hold for the moment. Its quite crazy, I think about doing this and just think "wow this could be real big" but then I wonder if I am just a silly dreamer who thinks this could be a viable option here in the North. I guess only time and money will tell, as I can't start the business without the monetary funding. But by this time next year I hope to have the cookie shop open both here in the North and online. So we'll see what I can do in the next few months I have here. It is going to be a busy summer.

On another note, I am off to H-town next week. Can't wait. It will be good to see family and friends and see one of my best guy friends in the world get married. Geez, we are all growing up so fast. I can't believe we have known each other for 13 years nearly 14. If someone would have asked me the first day of 6th grade if I would maintain friendships to this extent in my home room class I would have thought they were crazy, but alas I am not only good friends but SUPER close and have been through a lot with Jim. It makes my heart smile to see him getting married and adding a new chapter onto his life.

Well procrastination must end.

VICTORY IS MINE!!!

Well folks. It is done in the words of Caesar: veni, vidi, vici. Yes folks. I came, I saw and I conquered! I put that marathon to shame! I ran nearly to the point of tears and I pushed on. That 18th mile couldn't force me to quit. I just saw the finish line just a few miles a head. Even though the knees were about to give out and my lower back felt as though I broke my tail bone, I ran my way to the finish line. So in the time of 5:24 I finished my first marathon. Perhaps the first of many, but definitely an accomplishment for the first quarter of my life. Maybe I'll have to train for Dublin in October? We'll see...but for now its recovery time for me.