Honesty

When does a person choose to be dishonest to friends? I will never for the life of me figure it out. I found out today that a friend of mine, one I thought was a VERY good friend is in fact not the person I thought he was. Just about 3 days before I came home he kinda dropped off the face of the earth and just quit talking to me. Then I find out what I thought to be a truth filled friendship was well...A Lie! Part of me wants to be furrious with him. The other part of me is ok with his choices, but just is baffled at the lack of respect for another. I guess I am a notch above the rest, I actually care about my friends enough to let them know when I have made choices that affect our friendship.

Honesty hurts, but dishonesty hurts more!

Home safe and sound

I am home. Safe. Sound. Tired.

But it is good to be here. In just one day I have seen some good friends of the past, and that is nice. But its weird being home now as well. I have a feeling that some friendships where effort was put forth while abroad are starting to die with me being back in the states. And that makes me sad.

It also has gotten me thinking, is it worth the time and energy put forth to invest yourself in others lives? I have always tried to be a friend to all, and be a true friend. But then I wonder if sometimes I think too highly of humanity and others. If I give too much credit to others, trust too much. I don't know, but recently in Ireland and now I am starting to see here, I feel that I give too much and never expect anything in return, and perhaps that is my downfall.

Don't know.

Start my new job tomorrow and that should be fun. A REAL JOB!!!

Espana y Montana

Well here I am in Spain. And so much is happening it is INSANE!!! Where to begin. I depart here tomorrow and then with the grace of God will get a flight to Seattle on Thursday. Then I will be back state side for good! I just got a job last night (well yesterday afternoon US time) as the Page Supervisor at the State Legislature! I am very excited and can't wait to start. It really is a perfect job for me. And the job I really really wanted. So that is good. I do have to cut my time here short, but ultimately it will be for the best.

So it really is tough to beleive but I am going home in 2 days...yes 2 days. Wow, I didn't think this time would ever come. The time when I depart Ireland and again don't know the specific date I return...although it won't be long. Ireland is more home than it ever has been!

Adventures...what adventures

Well here I sit in the Dublin airport, awaiting my flight to Barcelona...yes Barcelona. Lets just say I have amazing friends who love me and as a gift of thanks they like to pay for my all expense (well nearly) holiday to Barcelona before I depart stateside for good! God Bless friends! But here I sit anxiously awaiting what the next chapter of my life will be. I have been talking to a person in Helena re: a job as Page Supervisor at the State Legislature and it truely is my dream job. I want this job SOOOOO bad. There is some possibility that I get this job and will have to return home early, there is also some possibility that I will still return to Seatown the 15th and Montucky the 19th. But I won't know until perhaps tomorrow or even as late as Wed. So its crazy at the moment! Again it wouldn't be MY life if it weren't crazy.

Well I don't want to miss my flight or anything so I best go!

Giving Thanks!

Well its the day after Thanksgiving and I have realized again how blessed I am to be here on earth with so many good friends, and have a family who cares and supports me. I was reminded yesterday, by a horrific reading for my dissertation, and a sad email from a friend who is in a 3rd world nation, that not everyone has those luxuries. The fact that I have a house, toilet, clothes, food, indoor plumbing....the list can go on and on. But none the less it doesn't. Because I have been blessed to be born into the top 10% of our world's population. I not only have an education (that was free) I have an extensive higher education that I was able to receive in 2 nations, 3 if you count my study abroad. Wow! What a blessing.

As this Holiday season continues (its the biggest shopping day in America) I pray that you are reminded of the 'small' things in life that you have. When you get in that car to drive to Wal*Mart remember many folks in the world don't have cars, or even the opportunity to take advantage of the best form of capitalism. It just can't be done. Remember tonight as you cook your dinner that you have electricity and a stove and not an open fire in a field.

But more than anything just remember it isn't about how much you spend on one another this holiday but rather, how much time and energy is invested into those you love. Those are the moments that will mean the most!

Free Photo ipod...

Yes folks I have dropped to a new low, but I need all of you to help me out here! Really I do! If I can get 10 people below me I can get a free photo ipod, and so could you! Wahoo!!!! Just click the link:
http://www.freephotoiPods.com/?r=11739477

And I just found out if you apply for the credit card you just have to get approved, you don't even have to use it!!!! So get approved and then cancel it! And as a result you get a free photo ipod.

Thanks guys!

Moving On

'We're going through changes...' (insert Ozzy and Kelly's dissonance here) Yes folks we are...as in we I mean I. Life is progressing nicely, perhaps not, but progressing none the less. I have one more day of work on Tuesday, a chapter of a dissertation to write and complete by Friday, a going away party to attend on Friday, and a 5 hour drive on Saturday to Galway. So I am anxious for life to progress positively I just can't wait. I have a sneaking suspicion that this week will fly and that I will be back to my old cheery Clementine in no time! Whew! Its about time I was getting kinda worried there. I was all sorts of messed up last week and it was doing my head in!

Then its dissertation and joby job time. I am looking for a job in Helena (notorious for the non existent job market) and perhaps a ultra wealthy person who wants to pay off all my student loans. If anyone knows where I can find either or, please just give me a shout. :)

Other than that I have no real news or thoughts. I'm ready to be home, but know that no more than 24 hours post arrival, I will miss my emerald isle greatly! I love this place, it really is my first love, well maybe second...God kinda is my first.

Ok, enough babbling.

Overstayed Welcome

Well it is done. I think for the first time I feel as though I have overstayed my welcome here in Ireland, at least Derry. I don't feel like this is home anymore (so I am going to Galway in a week to rekindle my love for the emerald isle). I am ready to be in Montana with snow, family and good friends who care more about me and my friendship, instead of the boy they are now 'in love' with....Long Story...pretty personal/emotional and not worth venting about via blog.

But none the less this has been a tough week. I am moving from the house I have lived in since my return in Oct on Friday (thanks Frankie So for the couch) and a good friend from Galway is going to come all the way up here to collect my sorry ass a week later! I have some great friends! Then I am going to Galway for 1.5 weeks to chill relax and enjoy the 'Irish' way of doing things. I really can't wait. A bit bummed that I will be leaving Derry on a semi sour note, but glad I can end the adventure with some good camaraderie with amazing friends down south. I will then venture to Dublin where I will HUNT down U2 so I can get all their autographs (Ok maybe not..but that would be VERY cool...actually I just want to know Bono's and Edge's local so I can go on a piss up with them) But back to reality, I will venture to Dublin staying with some good friends and family and soon be state side (Dec 15th).

I also have to find a time where I can finish this dissertation chapter, but I think I have a better grasp on it than I did previously, and that is a bonus. But it will get done.

So that is me. I'm glad I waited until now to post....this morning I had some not so nice things to say, and in my deep thinking I think I would have hurt some feelings (including mine). So that is that.

Oh yeah Tricky Tony...you keep up on that mission! And like I said before, you can tell EVERYONE about this blog, that is why it exists.

Tricky Tony

I have this friend here in Derry, and he is convinced that he is the only one here who knows about this BLOG. I, however, beg to differ. But that is besides the point. Tricky Tony as we will call him is convinced he is going to figgure out the identity of the previously mentioned 'booty call boy'. This is not going to happen, as all identities are consealed on my blog....well most of the time. But this blog is to Tricky Tony who 1. wanted a shout out, and 2. is on his own personal mission. So Tricky Tony good luck on your mission....I hope it proves fruitful!

America....the beautiful?!

I received this email via a good friend, who is living and teaching in China. He has a lot to say, but all of it very relevant. I find many folks here in the UK and Ireland can't understand why Americans are the way we are. How as the world's super power can we be so blind. Well here is a bit of brain food... Thanks Jason!


It's November 4 in Bangkok, a day of exhaustion and exasperation for most of the American faculty here at Ruamrudee International School. Exhaustion because most of us have spent the last 36 hours glued to our computer or television screens awaiting the results from the elections back home, exasperation because most of us were ardent Kerry supporters (or, more honestly, Bush opposers). Alas, the wish of millions of overseas Americans to be able to tell a local that you come from the United States without following the claim immediately with an apology for the actions of our president will not come true this year. Next time I get in a taxi and I am asked, "where you come from?" I will once again have to laugh nervously while deciding whether I have the energy to explain that I'm American but don't agree with what our government does, or just take the easy way out and tell the driver I'm Canadian. If I do not immediately follow my answer with an explanation of my stance, the driver would invariably hurl a barrage of anti-Bush comments at me... not without good reason of course.

In the meantime, while Bush is keeping farmers and football fans safe from terrorists back home, the war on terror continues to rage in new corners of the world. Been thinking about taking that idylic vacation to the beautiful palmy regions of Southern Thailand after visiting Liz and I in Bangkok soon? Well you might want to think again, our Prime Minister is waging his own war on terror (stamped mandate from Bush in hand, no doubt) against the predominantly Muslim population in the South. Just last Monday, as soccer moms, NASCAR dads, blue color factorymen, and American's of every ilk were being reminded by another White House flunky that the forces of evil were plotting new and terrible ways to blow up the nearest strip mall, 1,000 Muslim teenagers and young adults gathered outside a Thai police station to peacefully protest what they considered racist treatment by local cops. 87 of them went home in body bags that night. Our PM defended the actions of local police, claiming that they responded to the protest with appropriate measures, by firing waves of bullets into the crowds of unarmed youth... The next day the leader of a local organization working for greater religious freedom in Thailand's three muslim states made an oath that the deaths of these young muslims would not go unpunished, promising there would be bomb attacks on Bangkok in retribution. The War on Terror rages on...

Oh yes, the War on Terror is one that strikes at the hearts of all Americans, as it well should. The forces of darkness are lurking among the grain silos and truckstops of middle America, plotting their next atrocity on the hapless, God fearing American people. Surely we must can trust Bush to "chase the terrorists wherever they hide, killing them... while spreading Freedom and Democracy along the way" (quoted from his closing statement in the 2nd presidential debate). I could not help but picture a "Freedom Fairy" gossamer wings afloat, a smile of loving kindess alighting her beautiful face, gunning down fleeing Arabs and spreading "democracy dust" across the corpses she leaves in her wake. This is the vision of America that Bush puts in my mind, and I can't blame the taxi driver for his barrage of remarks when he hears I am American, because to him, I represent this image of domination, control, imperialism... the War on Terror... chase the enemy, kill them, spread democracy and, oh yeah, freedom... surely it will work... America: We Kill for Peace. As does Thailand now, apparently.

As I was speaking with a British colleague yesterday, we came to the conclusion that being as the US President is the leader of the Free World (not many would argue against that), perhaps the American people should have taken into account what the rest of the Free World (whatever that means) thinks of the current president when deciding who to vote for. International polls in the days leading up to the election showed Kerry with about 75 percent of the support across various Western and Asian countries... the Free World... those whose citizens the American president leads, the voices of Freedom that will never be heard across the corn fields and bible belt of Middle America.

In another discussion with an American friend, he told me that in all honesty, the thought of an enemy of individuals who were willing to die for the ideology they believed in frightened him, that perhaps the War on Terror was right to chase them down and kill these ideological zealots. I thought about the 1100 Americans who have died for something they believed in over the last 18 months in Iraq, were they not fighting for an ideological system, one that the president would have us believe is "good"? Good versus Evil, the War on Terror... When will it end? When Evil has been defeated... I ask, how do you define Goodness in the abscence of Evil? Doesn't one need the other? Don't try to fool us Bush, Evil cannot be defeated, the War on Terror will never end... but that's how it is meant to be...

In the meantime security forces are clamping down on Muslims in Southern Thailand, each day minor conflicts result in deaths on both sides... Our PM acts without fear of criticism from the West, after all, it's a War... people die... Thailand's just acting on the Mandate from the leader of the Free World Himself...

I visited a Thai mosque near our school a couple of weeks ago and sat down with the local Iman. With the help of our school secretary as a translator, my colleague and I had a wonderful conversation with the Iman and several of the community elders about the history of Islam in Thailand, the story of the 150 year old teak wood mosque, and the relationship between Thailand and the muslim community. I felt so welcome and comfortable in the beautiful setting of the mosque, a kilometer from the nearest road, at the confluence of two of Bangkok's countless canals... palm trees blowing in the breeze. The Iman gave us a tour of the mosque, and when we went up the stairs to an open air classroom for Islamic studies, I was suprised to see about 20 little kids sprawled out on the teak wood floor asleep in the afternoon heat... They were the pre-schoolers from the community whose parents drop them off at the mosque while they go off to work during the day. I almost tripped on a three year old boy, who rolled lazily onto his back, briefly opened his eyes to smile at me then flung his arms over his head and flipped back onto his stomach. This is the face of the enemy... we must chase them, kill them, wipe out Evil before it wipes out us...

As I explored the beautiful teak building it dawned on me that muslim communities like this one three hundred miles to the south were under attack for their desire to practice religion the way they choose. We had been welcomed so openly by the Iman and his peers... of course they wanted to make sure we weren't Bush supporters, a question that came up almost immediately after sitting down to talk, not surprisingly. In my Issues in World Religions class we have begun discussing religious conflicts and struggles between competing ideologies. I asked my kids today to write down everything they knew and didn't know about the conflict with Muslims in the south... After looking over their comments after class I saw that almost all of them perceived the Muslim community as a group of terrorists who are targetting innocent Thais, in the name of "religion". Living in Bangkok, much like living in any city in the US, my students are under the influence and control of the corporate media. Of the two major daily papers in Bangkok, one is owned by the prime minister's family... one of the three public television stations is government run, and all other media outlets are controlled by a handful of cronies with close ties to the PM and his powerful family. And just like in the US, the news these kids receive has been twisted and spun to present a version of a story that is once sided and in line with the "official" story according to the government. As a result the kids' perception of the struggle for religious autonomy in the South is one where Muslim terrorists are waging war on the authority of the Thai government... one where Thais are never wrong thus don't have to apologize when useless massacres occur, as the protest slaughter of last Monday.

There are very few Muslim students at my school, and the ones we do have are what you'd call "non-practicing". Most of my students know as much about as Islam as they see on the evening news and read in the local papers (also, not unlike in the United States!) The purpose of our visiting the mosque near school was to try to begin a relationship between the local Mulsim community and students at our school, in the hopes that we can attain some sort of reconciliation in the face of a conflict that looks to escalate and likely become close to home should the promise of bomb attacks in Bangkok be fulfilled. I want my students to know that Islam is not the enemy and Muslims are not terrorists. I hope they will be able to learn to respect and understand something they only fear and hate right now...

At the same time, as we embark on another four years of Good versus Evil, Us versus Them, you're either With Us or you'r e Against Us rhetoric from the Leader of the Free World, we too must reconcile our differences in view. As the War on Terror is waged in your community, our community, and new communities every day, all you can do to help bring this war to an end is wage wars of your own in your everyday life. How about a War on Ignorance, a War on Hatred, a War on Fear, a War on Bigotry, a War on Discrimination and Sexism and Racism and Oppression and Control, Environmental Destruction, Close-mindedness and Fundamentalism of all sorts... These are the wars we need to begin to fight on an individual level. Learn something about your neighbor, and you might find you love them, not fear them. Reconciliation begins only when we've made the effort to learn about someone we fear, and we see the humanity shared between all men.

Got a JOB!

So I had a job interview this morning and thought I did really shitty...then again I just didn't care. But this evening I got a phone call from the shop and I start work at 9am tomorrow morning. So now I have a full time job until I leave and a bit of money to spend in the process. I guess I will be able to get X-mas presents this year for everyone. :)

But now the madness begins. I really am going to have to work my ass off for my dissertation...but I have an intro written....that is a start. Thank GOD!

Halloween 04

Well I have survived yet another Halloween, Derry Style! It was a great day. I was a hula girl, and my friend Nate (a friend from SU who was visiting for the weekend)was Huck Finn. We started off the night with a parade from the University to town, then had a couple drinks to keep us warm as we danced to a DJ in a car park. Then around 8 we watched a fantabulous display of fireworks...like I said last year...fireworks over water is BRILLIANT!!!

Soon we were in the College Bar getting down with our bad selves and having a great night. It was tons of fun had by all!

BUT....THEN......

The migrane hit and forced me to my bed by midnight. So unfortunately I was unable to celebrate in TRUE Derry fashion until the wee hours of Monday morning. But I have gotten rid of the headache for the most part, but its still there mildly. I guess God had it out for me huh?

Here are some pictures for your viewing pleasure...ENJOY!

Procrastination: Friend or Foe?

Well I have started that dreaded dissertation and although I only have an outline at the moment, it feels all that more possible and achievable. I am making connections all over the 'academic' community finding folks who are doing PhD's and other amazing research on such topics regarding Sierra Leone. For those of you who don't know the topic of my dissertation its: Reintegration of Child Combatants: Sierra Leone. Yeah a real 'light' subject. But interesting so that is good. After a brief meeting with my advisor tomorrow I will hit the ground running on the actual writing of such an essay.

This then brings me to my next topic of discussion: Governmental Leadership. As I have been reading and researching I have been doing a lot of reading on the topic of political reasons children are used to fight such bloody wars. And it all comes down to Political Leadership. Yes Sierra Leone is a 3rd world country, but so is Iraq. And Iraq is still using children to fight. Yeah we are training their military, but have any of us asked the question: What age are these soldiers? We forget as "progressive 1st world" civilians that our standards are not universal (Hence the War) but there has been a universal convention outlining universal rights of children, and that states that a child in any nation is younger than 18. That means that yes even in the good ol' US of A that we too use children to fight our battles.

It just makes me sad that a parent can give permission for their 17 year old child to fight for their country...sheesh when I was 17 I made some pretty silly mistakes. I am glad that I didn't take such a severe risk such as risking my life. Yes that is me and I am not saying my views are correct, but what government in their right mind would let a 17 year old defend their country when in some areas they aren't even allowed to drive a car. And it is worse in 3rd world nations, children as young as 10 are fighting. It breaks my heart, and I hope that eventually we can realize that it is our responsibility as citizens of a nation to make sure or attempt to make sure that our views are heard, not just those views of those we have elected to represent us on Capitol Hill.

Quiet Saturday

Well here it is Saturday night and due to finances, and lack of housemates (they are all away for the weekend) I am home on a Saturday night. Actually I am excited to be here by myself. Being home alone means I can watch TV, read and play on the computer all I want without feeling like I am taking over someone elses house.

So this is my life. Not too exciting, but I like it. I went out on Wednesday and Thursday nights to the college bar, and had a great time. But everytime I am out it feels like something is missing. And I don't think that missing piece can be found here in Ireland.

Adjusting

Who ever thought it would be possible to suffer culture shock so much in just a short period. I suffered it when I returned to the States and again upon my return here. I still haven't adjusted time wise but that will end when the elections are over and I don't have to stay up late at night to watch such things...ok well maybe post world series. But it should happen soon. I have a lot to accomplish in a short time.

On another note my friend Tyler (www.tylerknott.com) wrote an interesting blog re: goodbyes. I have to say ditto to that Ty! My case isn't the same as yours but I understand completely. Saying goodbye face to face is horrible, awful, and unenjoyable. But I think that goodbye makes saying Hello all that much more enjoyable. If a goodbye isn't hard then Hello isn't that enthused. I don't think its time playing the trick its our brain affixed on time. Trust me...I have had some sleepless nights where I think 63 days...24 hours in each day...sixty minutes in each hour...I AM NEVER GOING HOME!!! But then I think 10 weeks...that is nothing. Its all a matter of perspective. What is 10 weeks when it could be a lifetime? It is all relative I guess.

But relative or not 10 weeks is what I have to give here, and what I have until I am reunited with friends and family back in Seattle and Montana. I think I can do it...sheesh that means only 10 weeks to type 15,000 words. Now that doesn't seem long enough. Whew...time is relative!

15,000 words

Who in their right mind would write 15,000 words on one subject. ME! I am trying to do this dissertation and have managed to do NOTHING! I have been in Ireland now for a week and have managed to aquire a cold, a place to stay (My wonderful housemates are letting me stay with them for the next months. I feel quite lucky. It makes life so much easier. So life is going well here. I just have to get my butt in gear for this silly silly paper. It MUST get done!

Life

In the last month my life has been twisted upsidedown. I have changed all plans that at one time I thought were set, God has placed in my life some very special people who make being away hard. And just recently I discovered I do not desire or am I able to call Ireland home any longer. It may someday be home, but for now it is not. I love my friends here. They have been wonderful, and I will always be there for them. However, at this time I need to be there for my friends in America.

For all of you who are unaware I will return home in December and will be back in Helena until I can get my feet off the ground (or the debt off my credit card)and then the adventure of Clementine will begin again. I don't know where it will take me or what it will provide but I do know that I am ready.

I walk down the streets of Derry and it isn't home any longer. I haven't been to Galway yet, but I think it would be the same there. I have many friends here, and some of them are getting married as well. And I plan on supporting them in their lives, but for now I must support myself and do what feels right and that is returning to Montana for a brief bit (Yes I know I never thought I would hear those words uttered from my mouth) and continue on to achieve my life goals. I have created many new ones in recent months and just await the opportunity to conquer them. Nothing is impossible. It just takes time. And right now I seem to have plenty of it!

The Big 2-5

Yes Folks this is it...Clementine is now officially 25 years of age. A quarter century old, halfway to 50. And to be honest it feels GREAT! I have been able to celebrate with very good friends and I even go Kerry/Bush cupcakes made on my birthday for the Debate! They were very cool! Now I am wrapping up my trip here to the States and Seattle, and am trying to pump myself up for Ireland.

I love Ireland, and have amazing friends there, but I have finally grown into my skin here in the States. I am OK living here now. I don't feel as though I NEED to be in Ireland forever, instead I am comfortable being close to family and friends. And the plane journey to Ireland isn't too bad. So slowly I am embracing my Americaness. Not yet at the stage where I would wave an American flag and shout my nationality but a state where I am comfortable with my nation (perhaps not its leaders) and myself.

But for now I have 10 weeks until I come back state side, and although that isn't very long time at all it seems like a life time right now. I am sure my mind set will change once my plane lands Wednesday morning and I am able to see good friends and stop living out of a suit case. Then Ireland may be "home" again.

I guess only time will tell. I am excited to see where this new adventure will take me, I am ready to conquer the next big 2-5...look out 50 here I come!!!

What makes Helena

On a weekend trip to Missoula this past weekend my best friends mom called and asked why I was in Missoula when I just left 4 day earlier. I responded that I got sick of Helena. And her response was of course you did you don't have 2.5 children and aren't married.

That got me thinking...does it take being married and having your 2.5 children to maintain happiness in this town. I love driving into the valley when I come home for the holidays, but after a week of being here I am ready to leave. I never thought it could be because Helena caters to couples and not singles. Its true that the older generation here in Helena is like a soap opera. Couple B divorces at the same time as couples A, C, D, and F and soon all the couples have found an equation where they are dating so and so's ex. And soon they remarry and have their 2.5 kids plus their spouses 2.5 kids. So now they really are one big happy family.

So where does the 20 something single Helena native fit into this picture...well they don't. That is the problem. That is why something like Octoberfest at the fairgrounds brings out Helena's finest single folk. It gives them an excuse to drink and hit on girls that aren't going to push them away because they too are drunk. As one friend said to me Friday night as I walked into the Octoberfest tent, "wanna find some hot guys?!" I looked at her and almost said, "yeah where are we gonna go for that?!" Instead I suggested we go and dance to the wonderful polka/country/rock music being played on the stage. So that is what happens to those single 20-somethings they kind of blend into the same group as the older generation divorcees.

That said, I am not into any of that. If I go out I wanna have a good time, but remember the night. I want to wake up with a clear head and a conscious recollection of what I did the night before. I want to have life remain to be an adventure. And settling down into "Helena" life just won't do it for me.

Montana Life

It has been good being home. I have realized many of my childhood friends have left this town to find bigger and better adventures. And some are back on sabbatical, and then there are the ones that just love Helena and will never leave (however, they are few and far between). I have seen a few good friends and that has been nice to catch up. I have also met new friends. Its kind of weird to do so as I live in a foreign country and will be departing soon, but it is also refreshing to get new perspectives and receive new outlooks on life. I had one such friend tell me he thought there were too many liberals in the world, and he thought conscription was a good idea. And after a mild discussion we realized that we both felt strongly about opposing views however, it was nice having a educated discussion about both.

It is also through these new friendships I hope to grow. I hope that they remain and do not dim. Friendship is so important to me. It is right up there with God, and family. I don't think I could live without all my hundreds of friends in the world. And each of them has played a major roll in my life and for that I am thankful. I am also thankful for those 'new' friends who are willing to take a risk and be friends with someone who is leaving the country. That is such an honour to me. So to all my friends out there THANK YOU!

I guess its just like the old nursery rhyme went: Make new friends but keep the old. One is silver and one is gold. Only to me all my friends are gold.

Long time no write

So life has been quite busy lately. My bestest friend in the entire world got married last Saturday and it was amazing. I think it was the number one wedding, everything went on without a hitch. But being her maid of honour who lives 3000 miles away I decided that I should put a little more effort into the role so I stayed in Missoula for a little longer than a week to help with last minute stuff. It was quite stressful at times but I can only imagine what Hillary felt. Overall, it was a blast, and the end result was flawless. (Thanks Hillary O. for the privilege to be part of such an amazing event.)

Now I am in Helena again, just chillin and relaxing. I think since it's sunny I might go for a run in the woods (I haven't exercised at all since I have been here) then I might go for lunch. It's kind of weird not having anything that HAS to be done. But also nice as well. I venture off to Seattle in the not so distant future and can't wait to see old friends. It should be nice. Then it is back to Derry to figure out what I am going to do with my life. Until then I just get to hang out and smell the roses. Oh the life.

Home...sweet?....Home

Well here I am back in the ol' US of A. And I am a bit overwhelmed. Besides being a bit culture shocked I haven't got much sleep due to deep convos with the sister, and jet lag. Gotta love it. Now I have a 12 hour drive from Denver to Helena tomorrow and oh how I am looking forward to it. Or not.

Actually it will be nice having some alone time and just chillin in the car. I find driving one of the most relaxing things in the world. So hopefully it will help prepare me for what lies ahead. Since I envision my life being madness and mahem the next month.

On a happier note than my last couple blogs, I found out I got a stipend from the Support Fund at Uni so when I return to Derry I won't have to stess about rent and bills straight away. So that has been a nice bonus. Now I just need to start getting things together for this internship/placement in October. I can't wait.

Well I will sign off for now, still 2 more states 3 towns/cities to occupy before I venture off to the emerald isle.

Almost Home

Well here it is and I will be states side in 4 days and counting. I can't wait, but I am a wee bit sad to leave this town. Its great. But I am dying to get back to Montana and see family and friends.

I must say I am thankful for all of you who put your 2 cents into my blog. Its weird knowing that what you think and feel is being read by others, but its so nice to get words of encouragement from those around you. I am truly blessed with some of the best friends and family a girl could ask for. And I guess that is worth a lot more than any dollar or currency. I once told my parents (when they were stressing about their debt) that I didn't care if we were homeless as long as we were all together and loved each other deeply I would be happy. And I think that holds true today. I guess being homeless wouldn't be so bad, because I know that I have love and God on my side, and that makes for a powerful team.

I also heard an interesting message in church this morning. Andrew was using the story of Joseph to demonstrate his sermon and he kept asking 'are you living your wildest dream or your worst nightmare?' Well that got me thinking....I AM living my wildest dream (0r one of them) by being here in Ireland. And then Andrew continued by saying that like Joseph things will get rough.... you can live your wildest dream but at times it may seem like your worst nightmare. And I guess that is where I am at now...a low point what seems like my worst nightmare but really and truly its my wildest dream. So this is a shout out to all you who have encouraged me and supported me! Thanx!

Also in other news Clementine has continued to make more Brilliant contacts in the world! I met my hero and roll model Hillary Clinton. I also met Gerry Adams and Martin McGuinness. So this year alone I have met all 3 presidents of the EU (one who is prime minister of Ireland...what they call the Taoiseach) So I feel on top of the world to say the least. Life is good money or none!

Again thanks for all your love and support no matter how far away we are!

Money Matters

Yes I am here...I know many of you (if anyone really reads this) thought I may have dropped off the face of the earth, but alas I am here. Life has been boring to say the least, but there have been moments of excitement to curtail the bordom. Like last week there was a flood in Derry and the city centre was flooded with 3 feet of water. The bar I have worked in all summer closed and is still in rennovation processes due to flood damage (17 ft H2O in the basement). Then the week before the Chinese resturant next to a local pub exploded at 9:15 in the morning due to a gas leak. So that was kinda crazy.

But more than anything life seems to be getting crazy at the moment. Due to the flood I have been out of work a week early and will make a £100 less than I should have. So that sucks. And I have all sorts of fees to pay... nothing too extream just a credit card bill, a plane ticket back to Ireland, and a fee for changing the date of my out bound journey. A minor $1000 or so....right....minor when you know you have an income. And to top things off my student visa expires the 30th of Sept, and it is too late for me to apply for an extension, and when I return I won't be granted a new student visa due to "Ireland" not being the same country as "Northern Ireland" So pretty much I have to spend more money to visit a friend in Paris or Germany just to get a valid student visa which will allow me to work. I just wish I could sit back and relax. And just enjoy the view...but I can't I have to stay one step a head. I feel like I should be like other 24-25 year olds and have a stable job/income, and not going to college.

It would also help if everyone here wasn't so ignorant. Like I finally got the guts to ask for some financial assitance from the Support office, and then was belittled asking how I expected to fund my education with only a £3000 budget. I just wish this all would get cleared up and I would somehow just have a couple grand in my bank acount no strings attached. Wouldn't that be nice. I am sick of being in debt(which is unfortunately a permanent reality for me) and I am sick of people thinking that ALL Americans are rich!

Some of us aren't and have to fight to get what we want and dream of. I feel like I am drowning and have to tread water to stay alive. But the longer I tread the more tired I get. And the more tired I am the less I want to try. I am inclined to just give up throw up my hands and throw the towel in....and gracefully walk away while my dignity is still in tact. Like the British marathon runner who just had to quit at the 36km. That is exactly how I feel. I just want to quit at the 36km when there are only 4 remaining. I am sick of fighting this fight, and I am sick of following the financial pattern of my family. I want to be financially stable and independant. Debt free, or at least debt controlled.

I guess there isn't much that can be done other than keep my head high and hope and pray that I am doing god's will.

Thats me signing off.

Thoughts

So I was at work Saturday night and was tired and grumpy, with a migrane on top. I started thinking...and I had a great idea for a blog, but then I woke up yesterday still tired and not so grumpy and couldn't remember. Now its Monday and I still can't remember this great blog topic. Maybe tonight at work I'll remember.

Lets see I don't know what to say here on this ever so interesting blog. I had a busy week last week I went to Galway, then was back for 2 days (worked) left for Belfast on Wed and Dublin on Thurs. and returned to Derry for work on Friday. Whew just talking about it nearly exhausts me. Life is good here. I just am working and now starting to begin my dissertation. I go home in 3 weeks and am quite excited for another journey back to the States, this one thankfully will be longer and more diverse. I start in Denver to visit the sister. Then drive to Montana for Hillary's weddng (www.hillandmick.com) then will fly to Seattle and celebrate the big 25 with my friends there. Then shortly after I hit that mid-20's mark I fly back to Ireland to finish that dissertation and figure out what the future holds for me.

I know this isn't a profound insightful blog, rather an update. Oh well. I'm not using my brain today...its on holidays.

Comments

So my sister has a blog (http://hmmthatsinteresting.blogspot.com ) and I have been too lazy to put a link to it however, her blog about Helena not being home made me think.  It all started with the comment I left her:

Sister of mine, you have moved into the world of social behaviour! I am so proud of you! j/k. Glad to see you are following the natural progression of growing up...Helena isn't home, its where you grew up, where your memories are. It isn't even comfortable, its soothing... knowing that it will always be there even if you move. So keep growing exploring and plant seed everywhere...someday they'll grow into roots and you'll stay planted.  

 
It got me thinking.  How did I grow out of Helena, or better yet, did I grow out of Helena?  Maybe it was Helena that grew up and not me...but due to observation I doubt that.  My dad once said something to me and I think for many it holds true "Helena sucks so bad, it will suck you right back." Fortunately for me I have never been back for over 3 months at a go, but that doesn't mean that I don't miss it.  Living 3000 miles away has made me remember what I do love about MT, and why I love going back.  Moutains, snow, forrests, fresh air, sun, beautiful sunsets.  All of those things are memories I have, with each word I can think of a happy memory, and that is why its good to go back to Helena.  What kid from Helena hasn't experienced the Parrot, or the Ox?  You say those words and any true Helenan has some memory if not many memories of that place.  It great. 

 But now I think and reflect to my current life, my home since I was 18 has been Seattle, Galway Ireland, San Diego, Derry Ireland, and I am sure there may be a few more before my roots grow and keep me stationary.  I am not anticipating where that will be, I know God has plans and its my job to follow, and that is just what I have been doing.  But the one constant that remains is Helena and my friends and family.  The one thing I long for most (well 2 things) are friends/family and Montana.  Its in my heart and in my soul.  It has made me the person I am today and for that I am thankful, but its now my time to venture out into this wild world and create a home for my children to be that will someday be there place of soothing, and serenity.  Until then, I hope my adventures continue to occur.

Anger strikes

So today I just found out I don't get my deposit from the house I rented this year, because the boys I lived with destroyed it before the moved out.  The fire place in the sitting room was torn from the wall, and the fire extinguishers were all emptied, and they stole the kitchen table.  On top of that there is an outstanding electric bill that I refuse to pay.  I am exasperated to say the least, and that mixed with home sickness just makes me want to jump on a plane tomorrow and go home.  I know in Helena I would have a job that would allow me to save my money, and here I am always broke.  I am supposed to go to Galway next weekend, but have no clue how I will ever get the money for it since my hours have been reduced at the bar.  I know I am wining but I can't help it, I am so frustrated.  Just when things start to look good some big dark cloud comes and makes them seem so impossible.  I know money isn't everything, and that I have never been let down, but things just seem so hard right now.  I will quit sulking now.

Oh yeah...Anthony who are you? Do I know you?

Short and Sweet

I know that doesn't sound like me, but I am in a hurry. I am doing a Vacation Bible school type thing here in Derry this week and its tons of fun. Nevermind the cold I am getting and the working insane hours at the bar as well, but whatever that is all fluff. :) So my life this week has been endless and alas I have to leave again to make it up to our teen program tonight. I am still looking forward to going home, but the more I am here the more this town has grown on me. Oh yeah the 12th went well, well all except some silly fight in Belfast, but I guess that is what happens when you combine drink and pig headed folks who can't compromise. WAHOO for stubborn drunk jackasses! Or not. Well that's me signing off.

Peace!

Updates

Since someone who won't tell me their true identity has commented on my lack of updates, I feel as though I should write a bit more. I am still working TOO much, and this week am doing a Kids Week with my church here in Derry. It should be a fun sleep deprived week, geez, I forgot what sleep deprivation truely was. WAHOO! Well I am at just the begining, and I have a feeling that come next week I am just gonna crash.

I wish I had some juicy gossip to share about my life but I don't. I highlighted my hair so now I have light brown hair (not dark brown) I still have no prospects on the guy thing...but that is over rated.

And now I am just counting down the weeks until I get to come home and relax for a month. (only 6 weeks and counting). So that is my uneventful life. The 12th of July parades are tomorrow ( SCARY!!! ) but oh well...I am not involved, I just hope they go on without a hitch. Oh yeah the Ulster Final is today, but no news on the results.

Slacker

Hey All! I am sure I have lost some viewers along the way since my posts are now few and far between. I have been sooo busy with work and catching up on sleep that when I do check my email writing on my blog just takes too much time.

Life in N. Ireland is good. I was recently accepted to a graduate programme that is a 35 week internship/placement all paid. I just have to find a company to work for. It starts in October and I could end up in Asia, Australia, America, Canada, or somewhere in the Middle East. God only knows. But I made it this far which is a feat. I have had to do an application, assessment with group work and now have to interview with individual companies. I also have to start my dissertation before I head back state side in September. For all of you Americanos there in the states I am gonna be in Seattle at the end of Sept. I would love to meet up.

Other than that I am just working insane hours at the Strand Bar here in Derry and trying to get back in shape after my marathon...I have only been running 3 times sine it ended...YIKES!

Well that is my life sorry I haven't been updating more often.

Update

Ok so life is pretty boring....or should I say non eventful. I moved house! PRAISE GOD! Now I live with my friend Francie, his girlfriend Paula and another friend Grace in a beautiful new house. I am working a shitty bar job that pays shitty and has messed up my sleeping habits but its money. I think I am going to look for a part time day job so I can reduce my hours at the Strand Bar. I have met a few randoms working at the bar but that always seems to happen. Other than that I'm just hanging out for the summer then only God knows what's in store. I am anxious to find out.

For those of you who read this shoot me an email or something. I am getting home/friend sick. And want updates.

just feel like writing

Well I started my joby job and it seems good. Late nights but what can ya do huh? I may have to find another job that is during day hours so I can make more money. I guess the less I go out the more money I save huh? I am absolutely shattered today. I was out last night with some interns from Church, and then worked Friday and Saturday nights...meaning very little sleep for poor Clementine.

I finally am moving out of my house on Friday! WAHOO!!! I can't wait, I get to live in a tidy house with people I am friends with. No more listening to folks vomit in sinks next door...no more parties till 6am when I am trying to sleep, and no more disrespectful teenage boys. I couldn't be more excited.

Unfortunately life isn't all that exciting. No fun travels or anything else. I just don't have the funds. I did however get a new digital camera when I was home so I will try to post more pics when I have a bit more time.

Easy Job

I have a job for the summer and it took no effort on my part AT ALL! Well maybe a wee bit but that is it. I walked into a pub I was told was hiring and asked if they had open positions. I told the manager that I had a bit of experience and was asked to sit down and wait for an on the spot interview. Sheesh talk about easy. And the best part is that I start Friday night! She said that these next couple weeks I would only be working a few nights but as my time there increased and I provided good customer service I would get more hours and hours I wanted. WAHOO!!! Needless to say I am a happy camper. I will be working full time this summer to help make some money for next year. And because I will be working weekends and night mostly I will have less time to go out and spend all my money. So it wall works out well.

Moving On

So there it is folks the last international student has left the building. Wow! What an emotional rollercoster. However I must say that I have met some amazing folks here this semester and I feel blessed. As the summer progresses I can see my life blooming like the spring flowers outside. Yet this season has terminated and I must make room for the new seasons flowers to bloom. A hard step, but one that must occur inevitably. Its now time for me to pack my bags and move house. Its time to smile at the world around me, and pave the future. An exciting yet nerve wracking step.

Alone

Its odd how in just one week your entire perspective of life can change. In this week I have had to say good-bye to many of my friends here in Derry who originally lived in other EU countries. That has been hard, and harder yet is knowing that throughout the summer I am not going to be able to just randomly visit duncreggan (the student village) and see all my friends, as none of them will be there.

I am also questioning my life's ambitions. Do I really want to start Clementine's Cookies and live here for many years. Do I want to take that risk? Will I be able to make an income to pay off my student loans? And do I really want to stay here as I once thought I did? None of these have answers and I haven't worried about these questions until today when I had time to let my mind wander and time to just think. Its hard. Since returning from Montana I am really questioning my place in the world. What do I want to do with my life? And if I can answer that question, how am I going to get there?

Being 20-something suck I have decided. I lack direction and need guidance yet it seems everyone I know who has encountered such difficulties feels the same and has no recommendations on how to pass these years with out going through a quarter life crisis. I know these are some of the best years of my life, but the quarter life crisis has kicked in full gear! Booo!!!

Back in Action

Well I am back in Derry...whew that was a quick trip. I flew home to Montana on Thursday and then after 30+ hours of being awake yesterday finally got back to my house here.

Montana was brilliant, I had a great time, beautiful wedding, good friends, and no sleep. I wish I had more time there but none the less I had a good time. I am looking forward to September when I have more time to chill and relax. And hopefully by that time it won't be snowing.

Yes folks you heard me correctly. It was snowing back in Montana. Yes its May, and yes there was snow. Oh well. I hadn't seen snow for a while and really had miss seeing snow in the Mountains. I guess you just have to be careful at what you wish for...it may just come true 5 months later.

Now I am in Derry and have to look for jobs in the next few days. ICK! I need a job that is flexable and one that pays enough for me to pay my rent each month. :) Well these are the ramblings of Clementine....Enjoy!

Friends...

I wonder sometimes what goes through peoples heads when they make plans with you and then simotaniously make plans with someone else, and then forfeits their plans with you. Or why when you ask someone to ring you if they are going out or have a party they don't and ask why you weren't there. Is this common, or is it just a simple way of being self absorbed. Either way it drives me crazy. Oh well.

I am off to Montana on Thrusday and can't wait! Get to catch up with some old friends and get away from some of the silly shit going on here in Ireland. Although short and sweet it will be loads of fun!

Nearly 5 years ago

So I received a message recently from a friends mom. My friend Lora died nearly 5 years ago, and still there isn't a day I don't think of her. Its weird every time I sing, I think that she is there with the harmony (we sang together on worship team in high school) every time I play volleyball I know that she is there coaching me on the side. Every time I say something silly she is there laughing with me or at me more likely. And every time I am sad I know that she is there saying that everything will be ok. Yes after 5 years things have gotten better, but after 5 years her memory is just as vivid now as it was when we finished high school. I still wish I was able to talk to her before God took her home, but I will have to wait until my day comes to meet her in Heaven. Until then only pictures and memories will have to keep her alive in this world. She was an amazing girl, one I will always admire, and one I always was jealous of. She seemed perfect, and everyone who met her loved her. I know now, after 5 years, that the jealousy was foolish, but the admiration was sweet, and beautiful. I only can pray that after this time Lora still looks down, smiles, laughs and cries when I want her here. I pray that in these 5 years while we haven't forgotten her here she hasn't forgotten us there. Lora Beth, you are a star! And you have touched so much of the world....still your dream is being lived by all of us who knew you! Lora made all of us want to be better people, and for that I am grateful!

This is a little tribute her mom has created in Columbus OH, its a huge billboard on the side of the highway. For those of you not privvy...Lora was killed by a driver who fell asleep at the wheel, when driving from the movies with her friends.

Wahoo! for the American $$

Just found out the dollar is getting stronger....no more of that $1.90 to every £1. Now according to XE.com it is $1.75 to every £1.00. YAY!!! That means I can begin to pay off my tuition again. Whew, I was afraid that I wasn't going to graduate due to lack of money and paying my fees. Lets just pray it keeps going down (to the traditional $1.50) That would be nice, real nice!

Thoughts to aid procrastination

As my year of study is coming to a close I can't help but want to write ramblings about nothing. This is because I have been reading and writing about a subject all to heavy to do in one go (Child Combatants and Trauma all in the setting of war) Whew! Talk about an easy read...or not. But I must admit I am excited to get started on my dissertation and begin another chapter in my life. This time it will be a chapter of risks and chance. I have committed to myself that Clementine's Cookies is going to become a reality. I have started preparing my business plan, and have been doing my research. Although that is on hold for the moment. Its quite crazy, I think about doing this and just think "wow this could be real big" but then I wonder if I am just a silly dreamer who thinks this could be a viable option here in the North. I guess only time and money will tell, as I can't start the business without the monetary funding. But by this time next year I hope to have the cookie shop open both here in the North and online. So we'll see what I can do in the next few months I have here. It is going to be a busy summer.

On another note, I am off to H-town next week. Can't wait. It will be good to see family and friends and see one of my best guy friends in the world get married. Geez, we are all growing up so fast. I can't believe we have known each other for 13 years nearly 14. If someone would have asked me the first day of 6th grade if I would maintain friendships to this extent in my home room class I would have thought they were crazy, but alas I am not only good friends but SUPER close and have been through a lot with Jim. It makes my heart smile to see him getting married and adding a new chapter onto his life.

Well procrastination must end.

VICTORY IS MINE!!!

Well folks. It is done in the words of Caesar: veni, vidi, vici. Yes folks. I came, I saw and I conquered! I put that marathon to shame! I ran nearly to the point of tears and I pushed on. That 18th mile couldn't force me to quit. I just saw the finish line just a few miles a head. Even though the knees were about to give out and my lower back felt as though I broke my tail bone, I ran my way to the finish line. So in the time of 5:24 I finished my first marathon. Perhaps the first of many, but definitely an accomplishment for the first quarter of my life. Maybe I'll have to train for Dublin in October? We'll see...but for now its recovery time for me.

3 Month Curse

So here I am 24 years of age, and since the dawn of time have not been able to maintain any sort of relationship (family and friends don't count) longer than 3 months. It really is quite odd. This all started my senior year of high school and has continued on now into my twenty-something life. Most people by this time have had at least one if not many long-term relationships. In my time here I have had 2 relationships each of which lasted 3 months. In California it was the same...only 3 months. So what is this you ask? Is this a case of Julia Roberts syndrome? Ya know, after 3 months commitment seems impossible. Well a few years ago I would have said yes. But as time is progressing and I find myself getting older I am realizing that a solid relationship, although not necessary, would be a nice touch in my life. I had a conversation with a friend recently who told me the day I rang him to tell him I was in a serious relationship would be the day he would have a heart attack and perhaps even die. This didn't upset me, because he's been saying this since we were 13, but it did get me thinking. And thinking is all I have done since. Perhaps it isn't me at all who is the one phobic of commitment but instead the roll is reversed. It could also be that in the last 4 years I haven't lived in one place longer than a year without getting up and moving out. So that could be part of it. No matter what the reason, its quite wired. The day this 3 month curse expires will be a happy day. But until then it is back to life as usual. Keeping busy and making and maintaining friendships. Its a good thing I am content being single. :) Well there is my random venting.

2 weeks and counting till the marathon. Dear Lord! I am nervous already. Pray for good weather (no rain) it will make the run much more enjoyable.

Well this is me signing off! Thanks for reading!

Quote of the Week

"I want to rule the world. Every time I reach a new peak, I see a new one and want to climb. It's like I can't stop." ~Madonna

Quote of the Day

An Irish friend in the computer lab..."I used to think I wanted to live in America, then I read Stupid White Men."

Victory

Yes folks I did it. I am half way to my full marathon. I completed the Omagh (pronounced O-MAH) 1/2 marathon yesterday in 2.09 hours. It was fulfilling and fun. I am a bit sore today but nothing too bad. I am ready to keep increasing my distance and tackle that ever dreaded 26.2 miles. So come 3rd May I will be off on the streets of Belfast to claim ultimate victory!

Belgium or Bust

Well I think I have officially gone the longest ever in my lifetime without checking my email. I was in Belgium this past week and had no time or way of checking my email. Quite an experience, when as an American I check my email 100 times a day. So here I am back on the Blog. The time abroad was interesting to say the least. I almost missed the bus, due to trying to get an hour of sleep before we left at 4am. Then I had a little falling out with some of the girls in my class....well I should clarify....there was no falling out just a feeling of complete exile. Mix that with a visit to WWI war memorials and grave sites, and a concentration camp visit and it provides a very emotionally stimulating week (or not). Not to mention all that was mixed with Paddy's day and 8.5-11% alcohol level beer. I didn't partake in the libations really for fear that I may emotionally lose it and if that were to happen no one around me would be there for the support I needed.

Now I am back in Derry (Praise God). And I am working like none other to get my work done before Easter break and my family's visit mid April!

Other than that, no profound thoughts or perils of wisdom. That will have to come after I write a shit-load of papers.

Booty Call Boy redeems himself

So I just got a call from Booty call boy and he was SUPER apologetic! He should be. Actually he was real embarrassed! Serves him right...waking me in the middle of the night! hehehe. I am mean. Glad to know that in his non inebriated state he can think clearly and is aware of his actions. I am such a star!

Tangent Time

So I have been flat out lately. I went to Dublin for a basket ball tournament...more like a drinking marathon...and we got slaughtered by Trinity, however we had fun and some how in the last 2 minutes managed to play on the court with 6 players and didn't get called. I like basket ball a lot more here....its less serious than in the states. Our men's team won the plate (of the losers bracket) but that is great since Magee never wins ANYTHING!!! Now I am back for 5 days and will work 3 of them, have to write a paper, train for my marathon, and get ready to leave for Belgium on Saturday at 4am.

I will be in Belgium for a week hob nobbing with the likes of EU politicians and visiting NATO, not to mention visiting a concentration camp and other historical areas. Speaking of hob nobbing...I was able to meet the Prime Minister of Ireland (and the current EU president), Bertie Ahern and Nobel Peace Prize winner John Hume last week when Mr. Ahern came and talked to the college about Peace within the EU. So life has been full to say the least.

Now on to my real tangent. I went out last night (it was the international students night in the union) and then after the union closed went home and got ready for bed....now by the time I finally get into my bed its 2am and suddenly the phone rings. Its this boy who I haven't seen or talked to in weeks...I kissed him once but that was months ago. So I get this call from this boy and he asks what I am up to and if I want to meet up later....WHAT....I AM IN BED.....NO I DON'T WANT TO MEET UP!!!! So I just go back to sleep after telling him I am home in my bed. Then this morning I wake up to 3 text messages, and a missed call! Sheesh talk about a hard core booty call....what is with this people. Boys...don't you understand?!?!? You can't call a girl randomly after not talking for weeks and expect that she will jump at the chance to hook up with you! It just doesn't work that way! And if it does for some girls they should be shot....Late night random booty calls are ok....but not when they are out of the blue. Sheesh....

Ok. Tangent over. Discuss.

I got carded!

Yes last night was an amazing highlight of my life. I went to a dance club with my friends and at the door the bouncer asked me if I had ID. Luckily I brought it with me (so weird because I never bring ID with me...I'm 24 for crying out loud). I chuckled and laughed at the bouncer telling him I was 24 and he didn't believe me. So out came the good ol' Montana drivers license stating that I indeed was born in the late 70's. Then he told me I looked like I was 18. So funny! I wouldn't have been so pleased but the drinking age is 18 here and I got carded. Its like being 30 in the states and getting carded. So that is the latest breakthrough in my life...I look 18! (Addy that means I could pass as your LITTLE sister).

Tomorrow I am off to Dublin to play in a Basketball Tournament. Wait...Stop laughing! I'm serious. Yes I know I should bring a video camera and tape the whole thing, because it will be well entertaining! Then in a weeks time I am off to Belgium to visit EU parliament and NATO. It should be a good time, being in Belgium with the Irish folk over St. Paddy's day...ahhh resting in the home of good Stella Artois with the Irish...life couldn't be any better!

Feels Like Montana

Well here it is 26 February 2004, and there is about 3 inches of snow outside. I feel like I have been transported to Montana. Its so odd, because the daffodils are peaking through the snow and you can tell Mother Nature did not expect this sudden surprise. However, I must admit it has been fun to throw a snow ball or two and walk outside and feel the crunch of the snow beneath my feet (ok so its not snow...its slush). I wish I had a digital camera so I could show all of you this amazing view and snow covered hills. I don't think I have really seen anything like it. Snow covered mountains, yes....snow covered hills in Ireland NO. So today I am grateful for God for giving me one more reason to love this country even more. There is something to be said for sunshine and snow all in the same day. I guess it just shows that God is good....All the time. Hopefully I will have a picture to share.

Business Idea

So lately I have been thinking and I am really really interested in this. I would like to start a business here in Ireland. Yes, I know I am insane...but here is my idea. In the past year I have been making Chocolate Chip Cookies, and other random desserts. And have received high praises from my Irish friends. So I have been thinking that maybe a "Clementine's Cookies" shop would sell over here. Kinda like the whole Mrs. Fields idea in the states. It is impossible to get fresh baked cookies here in this part of the world, and most people don't even know a recipe to make fresh cookies here. So that is where I would come in....not only would it be a cookie shop, but it would also be a place where people could order those ever creative cookie bouquets. I SERIOUSLY want to do this, but don't have a clue where to start, and how to do it being American. (why couldn't I be an EU citizen?!) What do you think? Again I would love my friends input. I know this is out of the blue, but I have really been thinking about this...and would like to see this become a reality. I think there is genuinely a market for it here. Maybe not in Derry, but definitely in Galway. I look forward to hearing your comments!

Health Hazard

I have decided that thinking is a health hazard. Lately I have had so much running through my mind, and as my thoughts continue my health seems to be getting worse. Actually I think its the change in the weather, but I like to blame it on all the hard work I am doing here. (or lack there of) This term has been absolutely crazy, and as I look at all the work I have done I realize I have done nothing of great importance. I have read a couple articles describing the Peace Making failures in recent times, and I have come to question the importance of a democratic government, or at least a democratic super power. So I guess one would say that my course is going well...making me question what is so natural for me to assume is right. Now its time to get that ever dreaded dissertation started. But that leads to another question...where do you start. I don't really have a specific peace related subject to start with. I was thinking about doing something on Latin America and justice, but as I said earlier...where to start. If any of you have suggestions please please please let me know. I am at such a loss. But I have nearly 11 months to figure it out, so its not all that bad. My biggest concern now is what to do with my life when May approaches. Where do I move and what field of Peace and Conflict to I want to enter into. And how do I apply and get a job when I am living in Ireland? I know it will all fall into place when it needs to, but I have this ever large debt to the American government for my education and don't know where to start to pay it back. Blech. Maybe I should fake my death then I would be able to have my loans forgiven and start debt free. OOOOOh, there is a good plan. hehehe. Well this is my mindless and bizarre ramblings for this week. Sorry to subject you all to the randomness that is my mind. :)

Relationships

I have come to notice that relationships here in the Emerald Isle are quite strange....pretty much a boy and girl meet the boy and girl kiss and then this goes on for a while until one day they are eventually boyfriend and girlfriend. Very odd if you ask me. I like the traditional dinner and a movie I think. However I have also noticed there is a casual nature in kissing here. It is not uncommon for a boy/girl to kiss more than one person in a night....and it isn't uncommon for those that they kiss to be friends and think nothing of it. Quite odd. Just a random observation I thought I would share.

The True Reason for the Iraq Invasion

I recieved this recently, and found it quite thought provoking. It's quite long....but worth the read and laugh. Oh the logics of American Politics...

Q: Daddy, why did we have to attack Iraq?
A: Because they had weapons of mass destruction honey
Q: But the inspectors didn't find any weapons of mass destruction
A: That's because they Iraqis were hiding them.
Q: And that's why we invaded Iraq?
A: Yup. Invasions always work better than inspections
Q: But after we invaded them, we STILL didn't find any weapons of mass destruction, did we?
A: That's because the weapons are so well hidden. Don't worry, we'll find something, probably right before the 2004 election.
Q: Why did Iraq want all those weapons of mass destruction?
A: To use them in a war, silly.
Q: I'm confused. If thy had all those weapons that they planned to use in war, then why didn't they use any of those weapons when we went to war with them?
A: Well, obviously they didn't want anyone to know they had those weapons, so they chose to die by the thousands rather than defend themselves.
Q: That doesn't make sense Daddy. Why would they choose to die if they had all those big weapons to fight us back with?
A: It's a different culture. It's not supposed to make sense.
Q: I don't know about you, bit I don't think they had any of those weapons our government said they did.
A: Well, you know, it doesn't matter whether or not they had those weapons. We had another good reason to invade them anyway.
Q: And what was that?
A: Even if Iraq didn't have weapons of mass destruction, Saddam Hussein was a cruel dictator, which is another good reason to invade another country.
Q: Why? What does a cruel dictator do that makes it OK to invade his country?
A: Well, for one thing, he tortured his own people.
Q: Kind of like what they do in China?
A: Don't go comparing China to Iraq. China is a good economic competitor, where millions of people work for slave wages in sweatshops to make US corporations richer.
Q: So if a country lets its people be exploited for American corporate gain, it's a good country, even if that country tortures people?
A: Right
Q: Why were people in Iraq being tortured?
A: For political crimes, mostly, like criticizing their government. People who criticized the government in Iraq were sent to prison and tortured.
Q: Isn't that exactly what happens in China?
A: I told you, China is different
Q: What's the difference between China and Iraq?
A: Well, for one thing, Iraq was ruled by Ba'ath party, while China is Communist
Q: Didn't you one tell me Communists were bad?
A: No, just Cuban Communists are bad.
Q: How are the Cuban Communists bad?
A: Well, for one thing, people who criticize the government in Cuba are sent to prison and tortured.
Q: Like Iraq?
A: Exactly.
Q: And like in China, too?
A: I told you, China’s a good economic competitor. Cuba, on the other hand is not.
Q: How come Cuba isn’t a good economic competitor?
A: Well, you see, back in the 1960’s, our government passed some laws that made it illegal for Americans to trade or do any business with Cuba until they stopped being Communists and started being capitalists like us.
Q: But if we got rid of those laws, opened up trade with Cuba and started doing business with them, wouldn’t that help the Cubans become Capitalists?
A: Don’t be a smart-ass
Q: I didn’t think I was being one.
A: Well, anyway, they also don’t have freedom of religion in Cuba
Q: Kind of like China and the Falun Gong movement?
A: I told you, stop saying bad things about China. Anyway, Saddam Hussein came to power through a military coup, so he’s not really a legitimate leader anyway.
Q: What’s a military coup?
A: That’s when a military general takes over the government of a country by force, instead of holding free elections like we do in the United States
Q: Didn’t the ruler of Pakistan come to power by a military coup?
A: You mean General Pervez Musharraf? Uh, yeah, he did, but Pakistan is our friend.
Q: Why is Pakistan our friend if their leader is illegitimate?
A: I never said Pervez Musharraf was illegitimate.
Q: Didn’t you just say a military general who comes to power by forcibly overthrowing the legitimate government of a nation is an illegitimate leader?
A: Only Saddam Hussein. Pervez Musharraf is our friend, because he helped us invade Afghanistan.
Q: Why did we invade Afghanistan?
A: Because of what they did to us on September 11th.
Q: What did Afghanistan do to us on September 11th?
A: Well, on September 11th, nineteen men, fifteen of them Saudi Arabians, hijacked our four airplanes and flew three of them into buildings, killing over 3,000 Americans.
Q: So how did Afghanistan figure into all that?
A: Afghanistan was where those bad men trained, under the oppressive rule of the Taliban.
Q: Aren’t the Taliban those bad radical Islamics who chopped off people’s heads and hands?
A: Yes, that is exactly who they were. Not only did they chop off people’s heads and hands, but they oppressed women too.
Q: Didn’t the Bush administration give the Taliban 43 million dollars back in May of 2001?
A: Yes, but that money was a reward because they did such a good job fighting drugs.
Q: Fighting drugs?
A: Yes, the Taliban were very helpful in stopping people from growing opium poppies.
Q: How did they do such a good job?
A: Simple. If people were caught growing opium poppies, the Taliban would have their hands and heads cut off.
Q: So when the Taliban but off people’s heads and hands for growing flowers, that was OK. But, not if they cut people’s heads and hands off for other reasons?
A: Yes. It’s OK with us if radical Islamic fundamentalists cut off people’s hand for growing flowers, but it’s cruel if they cut of people’s hands for stealing bread.
Q: Don’t they also cut off people’s hands and heads in Saudi Arabia?
A: That’s different. Afghanistan was ruled by tyrannical patriarchy that oppressed women and forced them to wear burquas whenever they were in public, with death by stoning as the penalty for women who did not comply.
Q: Don’t Saudi women have to wear burqas in public, too?
A: No, Saudi women merely wear a tradition Islamic body covering
Q: What’s the difference?
A: The traditional Islamic covering worn by Saudi women is a modest yet fashionable garment that covers all of a woman’s body except for her eyes and fingers. The burqa on the other hand, is an evil tool of patriarchal oppression that covers all of a woman’s body except for her eyes and fingers.
Q: Is sounds like the same thing with a different name.
A: Now, don’t go comparing Afghanistan and Saudi Arabia. The Saudis are our friends.
Q: But I thought you said 15 of the 19 hijackers on September 11th were from Saudi Arabia.
A: Yes but they trained in Afghanistan
Q: Who trained them?
A: A very bad man, Osama bin Laden.
Q: Was he from Afghanistan?
A: Uh, no, he was from Saudi Arabia too. But he was a bad man, a very bad man.
Q: I seem to recall he was our friend once.
A: Only when we helped him and the mujahadeen repel the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan back in the 1980’s.
Q: Who are the Soviets? Was that the Evil Communist Empire Ronald Regan talked about?
A: There are no more Soviets. The Soviet Union broke up in 1990 or thereabouts, and now they have elections and capitalism like us. We call them Russians now.
Q: So the Soviets…I mean Russians are our friends?
A: Well, not really. You see they were our friends for many years after they stopped being Soviets, but then they decided no to support our invasion of Iraq, so we’re mad at them now. We’re also mad at the French and Germans because they didn’t help us invade Iraq either.
Q: So the French and Germans are evil too?
A: Not exactly evil, but just bad enough that we had to rename French fries and French toast to Freedom fries and Freedom toast.
Q: Do we always rename food whenever another country doesn’t do what we want them to do?
A: No, we just do that to our friends. Our enemies, we invade.
Q: But wasn’t Iraq one of our friends back in the 1980’s?
A: Well, yeah. For a while.
Q: Was Saddam Hussein ruler of Iraq back then?
A: Yes, but at the time he was fighting against Iran, which made him our friend, temporarily.
Q: Why did that make him our friend?
A: Because at the time, Iran was our enemy.
Q: Isn’t that when he gassed the Kurds?
A: Yeah, but since he was fighting against Iran at the time, we looked the other way, to show him that we were his friend.
Q: So anyone who fights against one of our enemies automatically becomes our friend?
A: Most of the time, yes.
Q: And anyone who fights against one of our friends is automatically an enemy?
A: Sometimes that’s true too. However, if American corporations can profit by selling weapons to both sides at the same time, all the better.
Q: Why?
A: Because was is good for the economy, which means war is good for America. Also, since God is on America’s side, anyone who opposes war is a godless un-American Communist. Do you understand why we attacked Iraq?
Q: I think so. We attacked them because God wanted us to, right?
A: Yes.
Q: But how did we know God wonted us to attack Iraq?
A: Well, you see, God personally speaks to George W. Bush and tells him what to do.
Q: So basically, what you’re saying is that we attacked Iraq because George W. Bush heard voices in his head?
A: Yes! You finally understand how the world works. Now close your eyes, make yourself comfortable, and go to sleep. Good Night.
Good night Daddy!

When the time comes

Lately I have been talking to a few friends near and far and it has occurred to me that this twenty something time of life is hell. We all reach this point in our lives where we must make the choice to follow those dreams we have set since the age of 5, or do what seems practical and make a living to support a family...blah blah blah. We all have some sort of outline in our heads as to what we expect our life to be. But recently I realized that maybe what I always dreamed of as perfect and wonderful isn't really what will make me happy. Like most girls I have thought about the house I will live in when I am older and have a family, and the car I will drive when I haul that family around, and even the type of dress I want to wear at my wedding (seeing that there is a wedding in the future). But as I think of this perfect life I have created within my imagination, I recently realized it lacked something....substance. Not that all families that seem perfect are shallow, but there is something more there that I know I don't see, something that I know creates substance. Having the Cooper Mini, and living in a 4 bedroom house on a hill overlooking a body of water no longer appeals to me. Somewhere between graduating high school, and traveling the world I have discovered that I am no longer fearful of success (or lack there of). I no longer need to worry about getting an education to cover my immense debt I have acquired over the years. Rather I need to focus on being happy, and loving what I am doing and where I am. If I am alone doing this, so be it. However I never want to be so far away I can't see my family and friends, because that is what makes me happy as well. I no longer want to look for that special someone who has the right job or the right car, rather I want to find someone who has the right happiness. Is this possible, or am I just living in this delusion I call life. Possibly it is this simple form of thinking that will allow me prosper in life, perhaps it will set me up for doom....either way it will be an adventure no matter the course I take. I know this is the thought process of every twenty something, as I have had many talks with those twenty somethings in my life. But I feel that this confusing part of my life is only the beginning of an adventure that will take me to far away places to see far away things. If this is the adventure I get to take then I am willing and ready to take it! My only question is are you?

Friendship

Why are goodbyes so stinkin' hard?!?! It's like losing a part of yourself into an abyss of nothing, uncertainty, and sadness. Starting from scratch but not willing or wanting to fill the void of one friendship with another. What can you do to control the sadness that occurs when you walk by that friends house? How do you react when you go to ring them and you realize they won't answer? Is it possible to cope when you have something funny happen to you and they aren't there to share the moment with you? What can you do to move on when you are used to spending every waking (and some sleeping) moment with one another? Once you find a friend that compliments you so well how do you move on?

Making and maintaining friends is a process that should be a familiar one to me. Since I have lived in 5 cities, 2 countries, and traveled most of the EU all since I was 18. But, each time I say goodbye to these friends it seems all that much more difficult. Yes, I can get through almost any situation, be it a travel mishap or a housemate issue, but this friendship thing is a killer.

In an ideal world I would be able to have all my friends, that I have acquired over time, live in one place where we could always see each other and utilize our friendships as need be. There would be no more goodbyes, no more tears, and no more contemplating when and how you will see one another again. Moving away is like dying...somehow a part of you is missing, maybe not permanently but the sense of loss is always there.

Respect

Is it inherent that all 18 year old boys have no respect for others, not even themselves?! I feel like Wendy in Peter Pan, being a mother to the 'lost boys'. Here I am in Ireland and somehow have found myself living with 3 18 year-old boys. And then there is me the 24 year old den mother. Dear lord in heaven. I only express my exasperation because this past Friday these wonderful boys decided to have a party. I did not know about it, and when I came home the following day at 1:30 I found that all our fire alarms had been broken (ya know those little red ones just like the ones in hotels) and a sweatshirt I had all packaged up to post to Seattle had been stolen. I found the packaging and letter outside. When I expressed my absolute disgust in the situation the boys replied with a shrug and continued to state that they had no control of the party and they didn't know there was a sweatshirt in the package. No apology, no offer to buy a new sweatshirt, more or less a cop out of the choices they have made. Then yesterday one of the boys had the audacity to ask me for money for an air freshener he bought for the sitting room they get high in every night of the week. Blech! I wish there was a remedy to this situation, but I will just have to hold on for 4 months till school is over. Then I can live in an environment that is conducive to my living habits.

Life in Dublin

I am in Dublin now and was approached by an old woman who had a nose the size of Alabama an hair the color of New Mexico mud. Her name is Maria she likes the drink and the poor woman's brother died today....but as she was telling my friends and I this she continued to tell us other random facts of her family and life (in 6 weeks she has lost 4 brothers and a husband) and in her 70 years I am sure has seen a lot. Yes to most this should be tragic however for my friend (we'll call her Sarah) she found utter humor in this. And as Maria continued to tell our wee group of college age girls the sorrows of her life Sarah's eyes well up with tears....are these tears of sorrow....oh wait no....tears of huge laughter. I know as you read this you find no humor....however if you have ever met an old random irish person in a pub you understand the humor. Thank God I made it out alive. Lets just hope I make it through the day tomorrow as I meet with the South Africa ambassador and other important peeps. And as we go out for a night on the town (May I win the lottery to pay for it) I pray I meet no more characters like Maria....I've had enough for one weekend.

The Calm Before The Storm

That's what it is folks. I am just after finishing exams (thank god!!) and now have a week off to ponder the workings of this world. Or maybe just go to Dublin and meet some Peace and Conflict folks, then ponder the workings of the world. Then that is it....second semester begins and my life officially ends. However, I must say that I would rather be totally slammed for time rather than chill in my house playing mother to my 18 year old male house mates. I guess I should take this time and savor it. Forget the stress of the world and just enjoy the beauty that is here in this country, allow the waves of life to take me where they may.

Sleep Deprived Thought

Living in a foreign country can force one to think an awful lot. Even when its against their will. However, I have come to realize that it is through this thought that I have grown, matured, lived. As I was in bed unable to sleep last night I began to think of this world we live in and all its complexities. Here I am in the North West part of Ireland (known to many as Northern Ireland) studying Peace and Conflict, yet I have discovered the essence of what I study is right before me (not in the form of a national problem, rather one that is intrapersonal) The peace and the conflict. Is it possible to help others deal and solve their conflict when you aren't able to solve your own? I'm not sure. Can you strive for world peace when there isn't even life peace in your life? Still unknown. But what I do know is that I want to make a difference in lives, and recently have discovered that maybe I need to start with my own...rather than looking from the outside in. It could be best summed up by an illustration of my Professor, Dr. Paul Arthur, you need to get off the dance floor and into the balcony. Only then can you truly make a difference to your life and others.