Relationships

I have come to realize relationships are a pain. Whether on a platonic level or a more in depth emotional level. Either way they are draining tough and sometimes just a pain in the ass. I say all this because I recently have encountered EVERY possible combination of relationships in the last couple weeks. I feel as though a relationship can't be had with out the mad drama attached. And I don't deal well with personal drama. (only the kind on stage that you can leave after 2 hours) I have realized I get so invested in my friends lives, often times so much so that I get stressed for them. I have had more mild headaches and back aches in the last couple weeks than I have had since college. And damn its a pain. I have also had to really practice my LISTENING skills, and as some of you may or may not know, that is damn hard for me. I have also taken the roll of bad cop to many folks that I care about. And right now I am about to just throw up my hands and say "Screw it, do it your way and don't come to me for help because you don't listen anyway."

But then I start to contemplate my own life and where its going. Its the first time I think I have EVER thought about settling, staying stationary, growing up for real. And in my mind that includes another person to share my joys and sorrows. Unfortunately I patience is not a quality that I embrace readily. I am much more of an instant gratification girl. Its also hard to find out my place in this world. I am in love with Ireland, deeply in love. However Helena has some how captured me as well. I have been on the move for the last 6.5 years and am now starting to realize that perhaps I need to just stop, listen, enjoy. All of which are hard for me. However, I am growing...still learning. I just have to take risks in a place that is scary. Being far away its ok and easy to take risks since I don't know everyone. But being in my hometown, knowing a lot of folks, folks who have known me for a majority of my life, its tough to want to take those risks.

Again I'll just have to see where live leads me. Its dangerous and scary, but I guess that is where excitement comes in life...its the relationships you build and break that make you who you are.