As I sat in a bar tonight listening to some quality Chicago Blues I got thinking about growing up. How it sucks and how its just part of life. I started to wonder about the validity of a 'true love' and the rediculousness of dating and relationships. Yes I know I sound bitter, however I have dealt with more bull shit on the relationship end of things (personally and as a sounding board) than I care to deal with. I am sick of going somewhere and the first thing out of my girlfriends mouths is something about the boy in their life. I go out with my guy friends (which are few and far between in Helena) and they bitch about the girl in their life. I just wish people could be content with the choices in their lives. Be greatful for what they have. And quit trying to find the greener grass on the other side.
This venting comes from an aray of thoughts...recently found out some more friends are getting married. Also found out that some friends parents are getting divorced due to unfaithfulness in the relationship. WTF people?!?! Seriously, I don't get it. Thus far I am lucky and can say that none of my friends who were married early on in life have been divorced, and I HOPE to God it stays that way. But I really wonder. If someone is going to make the choice to be with another can't they stay committed.
I don't know where this is going...just venting I guess. That said...I'm done before I say something stupid.
17.2.05
13.2.05
Relationships
I have come to realize relationships are a pain. Whether on a platonic level or a more in depth emotional level. Either way they are draining tough and sometimes just a pain in the ass. I say all this because I recently have encountered EVERY possible combination of relationships in the last couple weeks. I feel as though a relationship can't be had with out the mad drama attached. And I don't deal well with personal drama. (only the kind on stage that you can leave after 2 hours) I have realized I get so invested in my friends lives, often times so much so that I get stressed for them. I have had more mild headaches and back aches in the last couple weeks than I have had since college. And damn its a pain. I have also had to really practice my LISTENING skills, and as some of you may or may not know, that is damn hard for me. I have also taken the roll of bad cop to many folks that I care about. And right now I am about to just throw up my hands and say "Screw it, do it your way and don't come to me for help because you don't listen anyway."
But then I start to contemplate my own life and where its going. Its the first time I think I have EVER thought about settling, staying stationary, growing up for real. And in my mind that includes another person to share my joys and sorrows. Unfortunately I patience is not a quality that I embrace readily. I am much more of an instant gratification girl. Its also hard to find out my place in this world. I am in love with Ireland, deeply in love. However Helena has some how captured me as well. I have been on the move for the last 6.5 years and am now starting to realize that perhaps I need to just stop, listen, enjoy. All of which are hard for me. However, I am growing...still learning. I just have to take risks in a place that is scary. Being far away its ok and easy to take risks since I don't know everyone. But being in my hometown, knowing a lot of folks, folks who have known me for a majority of my life, its tough to want to take those risks.
Again I'll just have to see where live leads me. Its dangerous and scary, but I guess that is where excitement comes in life...its the relationships you build and break that make you who you are.
But then I start to contemplate my own life and where its going. Its the first time I think I have EVER thought about settling, staying stationary, growing up for real. And in my mind that includes another person to share my joys and sorrows. Unfortunately I patience is not a quality that I embrace readily. I am much more of an instant gratification girl. Its also hard to find out my place in this world. I am in love with Ireland, deeply in love. However Helena has some how captured me as well. I have been on the move for the last 6.5 years and am now starting to realize that perhaps I need to just stop, listen, enjoy. All of which are hard for me. However, I am growing...still learning. I just have to take risks in a place that is scary. Being far away its ok and easy to take risks since I don't know everyone. But being in my hometown, knowing a lot of folks, folks who have known me for a majority of my life, its tough to want to take those risks.
Again I'll just have to see where live leads me. Its dangerous and scary, but I guess that is where excitement comes in life...its the relationships you build and break that make you who you are.
Work and Play
Since my last blog, life has been crazy. Work is work and is tons of fun. I do truly enjoy every aspect of my job, well all but the L Love. What is the L Love? you ask. The L Love is the love passed down by my superior when I mess up. So instead of referring to it as a lecture its L Love. But the L Love is at a minimum these days, so that is good.
Went to the Governor's Ball last night. It was so much fun. I got ready with the girls, then went to dinner with my date and his family. I must say he is a good sport to put up with my random requests. I don' t know many men who would get in a photo with 4 women (of various ages) and lie at their feet. But everyone looked DASHING! Ball gowns and all. However I do believe that I may have to amputate my feet in the not so distant future, but pain is beauty right?!?
Unfortunately I don't have much insight at the moment. Life has been kind of hectic so I have been investing my energy into others lives and relationships. So writing about it all seems redundant, although it could be a good read. (I am actually saving the story to create a Dawson's Creek type drama) So that is life at the moment.
Went to the Governor's Ball last night. It was so much fun. I got ready with the girls, then went to dinner with my date and his family. I must say he is a good sport to put up with my random requests. I don' t know many men who would get in a photo with 4 women (of various ages) and lie at their feet. But everyone looked DASHING! Ball gowns and all. However I do believe that I may have to amputate my feet in the not so distant future, but pain is beauty right?!?
Unfortunately I don't have much insight at the moment. Life has been kind of hectic so I have been investing my energy into others lives and relationships. So writing about it all seems redundant, although it could be a good read. (I am actually saving the story to create a Dawson's Creek type drama) So that is life at the moment.
20.1.05
Politicians
Today there was a debate of quality education. And it is odd how Montana's law makers are debating whether fiscal notes are definition of 'quality'. Perhaps I should give some background...The supreme court ruled our schools in Montana to be of poor quality. Hence this debate. So now we are debating the amendments to the bill (there are 17 and we only got through 4 this afternoon) and have to get the bill passed. Yeah it makes for a long night for all...Pages and everyone else involved in law making.
So yeah that is that.
No gossip on the Helena front. Life is pretty quiet. No boys, no scandal, no real gossip. So yeah, life was WAY more exciting in Derry. In fact I am starting to get the Ireland itch. And I've only been gone 1.5 months.
So yeah that is that.
No gossip on the Helena front. Life is pretty quiet. No boys, no scandal, no real gossip. So yeah, life was WAY more exciting in Derry. In fact I am starting to get the Ireland itch. And I've only been gone 1.5 months.
15.1.05
Busy as...
Yup that is right. I am so busy with life that I have kind of forgotten my cyber world and my friends near and far. I am much easier to find via phone these days, email is even tough, as I cannot check it anywhere else other than my house. It makes life kinda tough.
But I digress...Earlier this year I wrote a blog about Helena and just not being 'in'. Part of that was due to not having 2.5 kids and not being married. However, I am realizing how this town is not too bad when you can find others that are in your shoes. There are a few that are single and willing to go out and have a good time. But I often wonder if this will wear off post Legislative session. I really hope not, but I wouldn't be surprised if that were the case.
But if my friends were to leave, I wouldn't know what to do with myself. I would most likely become a hermit.
Well I am at work, so I should go!
But I digress...Earlier this year I wrote a blog about Helena and just not being 'in'. Part of that was due to not having 2.5 kids and not being married. However, I am realizing how this town is not too bad when you can find others that are in your shoes. There are a few that are single and willing to go out and have a good time. But I often wonder if this will wear off post Legislative session. I really hope not, but I wouldn't be surprised if that were the case.
But if my friends were to leave, I wouldn't know what to do with myself. I would most likely become a hermit.
Well I am at work, so I should go!
6.1.05
Tsunami First Hand
Here is an update from my friend Jason who is living in Thailand (there is a post from him earlier in my blog...Post election time):
Sawasdee bi Mai, or happy new year from Thailand, no longer the land of smiles... It's our second day back to school in Bangkok, and everyone still seems to be regrouping and trying to focus on education once more, after the insane events of the last two weeks. Almost miraculously, out of the almost 3,000 students and teachers at our school, there seems to be not a single death... Incredible when considering that scores of teachers and students were vacationing along the coasts of Thailand, Sri Lanka, the Maldives, and other places. The last two days have been filled with incredible tales of fortune and survival, and I can't tell you how many people have "near miss" stories, where they were "supposed" to have been in one of the places hit hard by the wave.
One good friend who I celebrated new years with had been on Phi Phi island, where there are only two hotels left standing of dozens that had been there... she and her sister wanted to be on a boat on the morning of the 26th off the island so they could get on their late morning flight, but the hotel had recommended she leave the island the evening of the 25th so she would be sure not to miss her flight. The next morning the hotel was washed out to sea.
Another friend I just ate lunch with had been visiting Khao Lak, the area worst hit in Thailand (over 1500 dead on the 8 km beach) and he and his wife (my boss) were disappointed when all the rooms on the beach had been booked so they had to settle for a hotel 50 meters up the side of the hill. On the morning of the 26th he was sitting on his balcony when the waves rolled in, manged to snap several pictures of the four waves as they swept two km inland, and witnessed tourists and Thais being pulled out to sea to their deaths, helplessly watching from above.
Another friend, also a new teacher, had been in the Maldives (average elevation, 1 meter above sea level) laying on the beach on the morning of the 26th, and when the tide suddenly receeded, he knew exactly what was happening. He grabbed his confused girlfriend and raced to the center of the tiny island, just as the wave swept over the entire island... they held onto palm trees as the water rose to their knees, pushing debris from the hotel all the way across the island and out to sea!
A teacher that Liz works with was in Krabi on a climbing vacation, hundreds died there, and she is still not talking about what she experienced, we can only guess how horrible it must have been...
The more teachers I talk to, the more stories like this I keep hearing... and the more I'm convinced that there must be some higher power watching over us here, because it's really incredible that everyone came back alive and uninjured... In the last week, we have received messages of concern from so many of our wonderful friends, and it is very touching that you all thought of us when this happened. We are fine, but Thailand and our neighbors have a long way to go to recover from this event. In the last week, it has been so incredible to see the effort that so many nations are extending to help bring relief to this region, it's truly an impressive show of support from the whole world.
Sawasdee bi Mai, or happy new year from Thailand, no longer the land of smiles... It's our second day back to school in Bangkok, and everyone still seems to be regrouping and trying to focus on education once more, after the insane events of the last two weeks. Almost miraculously, out of the almost 3,000 students and teachers at our school, there seems to be not a single death... Incredible when considering that scores of teachers and students were vacationing along the coasts of Thailand, Sri Lanka, the Maldives, and other places. The last two days have been filled with incredible tales of fortune and survival, and I can't tell you how many people have "near miss" stories, where they were "supposed" to have been in one of the places hit hard by the wave.
One good friend who I celebrated new years with had been on Phi Phi island, where there are only two hotels left standing of dozens that had been there... she and her sister wanted to be on a boat on the morning of the 26th off the island so they could get on their late morning flight, but the hotel had recommended she leave the island the evening of the 25th so she would be sure not to miss her flight. The next morning the hotel was washed out to sea.
Another friend I just ate lunch with had been visiting Khao Lak, the area worst hit in Thailand (over 1500 dead on the 8 km beach) and he and his wife (my boss) were disappointed when all the rooms on the beach had been booked so they had to settle for a hotel 50 meters up the side of the hill. On the morning of the 26th he was sitting on his balcony when the waves rolled in, manged to snap several pictures of the four waves as they swept two km inland, and witnessed tourists and Thais being pulled out to sea to their deaths, helplessly watching from above.
Another friend, also a new teacher, had been in the Maldives (average elevation, 1 meter above sea level) laying on the beach on the morning of the 26th, and when the tide suddenly receeded, he knew exactly what was happening. He grabbed his confused girlfriend and raced to the center of the tiny island, just as the wave swept over the entire island... they held onto palm trees as the water rose to their knees, pushing debris from the hotel all the way across the island and out to sea!
A teacher that Liz works with was in Krabi on a climbing vacation, hundreds died there, and she is still not talking about what she experienced, we can only guess how horrible it must have been...
The more teachers I talk to, the more stories like this I keep hearing... and the more I'm convinced that there must be some higher power watching over us here, because it's really incredible that everyone came back alive and uninjured... In the last week, we have received messages of concern from so many of our wonderful friends, and it is very touching that you all thought of us when this happened. We are fine, but Thailand and our neighbors have a long way to go to recover from this event. In the last week, it has been so incredible to see the effort that so many nations are extending to help bring relief to this region, it's truly an impressive show of support from the whole world.
Thoughts
Wow, it has been a while since I last posted. I am sorry for that! I have a real job (I know its a miracle) and I am working at least 45-50 hours a week. So to say the least I am busy, and since I work at the state I can't blog while there...they monitor your internet activity.
But life is good here in Helena...write that in the record books...Really I am happy here. At least for the moment. For a girl who thought she could NEVER live in Helena again I am quite content being here. I am enjoying the snow, the cold weather, and politics. I enjoy them all so much I am considering (more so now than ever) running for a political office here in Helena, well Lewis & Clark Co. Still not set in stone, but after a heart to heart from some friends and a slight intervention on their part, I am more inclined now than I have been ever before. The question at hand is whether I could stand Helena for an extended time. We'll see.
But for now I am content. I enjoy Helena, and love most of the folks involved in the Political realm here.
But life is good here in Helena...write that in the record books...Really I am happy here. At least for the moment. For a girl who thought she could NEVER live in Helena again I am quite content being here. I am enjoying the snow, the cold weather, and politics. I enjoy them all so much I am considering (more so now than ever) running for a political office here in Helena, well Lewis & Clark Co. Still not set in stone, but after a heart to heart from some friends and a slight intervention on their part, I am more inclined now than I have been ever before. The question at hand is whether I could stand Helena for an extended time. We'll see.
But for now I am content. I enjoy Helena, and love most of the folks involved in the Political realm here.
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